As wieght loss comes to the forfront of my mind and SH becomes out of control I am detaching myself away from the world.

Ive stopped talking to my mum. I try and not communicate too much with friends cause im scared that soon ill cut a vain. Soon i will refuse to eat and i dont want people i love to see me like that.

I stay up really late trying to make sense of the things that pocess me and i cant

I cant stop and im loosing the want to stop.
...

OK so ive been away for a while cause the computer broke down but now im back.

I really missed you guys and it ment i got really bored at 2:00am in the morning lol.

Since being away ive been on a all time high and a all time low. Right now im on a low and struggling with depression once more.

On tuesday im going to the doctors after the theripist group decided they couldnt help me with out seeing me. So the doctor wants to see me so that we can work through...

lost
empty
cold
scared
fighted
annoyed
angry
stupid
dumb
pathetic
worthless
helpess
a whast of space

i know i say stuff like this alot but i needed to vent this i how i would discribe maself and wat the bullies call me hough they add a swear word infront of them

Ok so for details read my post in the bully section.

But today i am skiving school and had a massive arguement wiv mum bout me refusing to go to school. Now mum has gone having not had breakfeast and now has to spend the whole day at work worring that im SHin and thinking of ways to get me to tell her why i am refusing to go to school.

My sister has her art exam today and i made her late and now she keeps ringing me. shouting at me and telling me to tell her wats wrong....

ok so i went to the doctors and they r referrin me to a theripist type place where i go wiv my family to talk to counsellors there who will then work wiv me to find copin mecanisms and ways to make me feel happy.

she also said that i sound like i hav depression no surprises there.

im so glad im geetin help.

theres light at the end of the tunnel now.
liz

ok so i know its good that im gettin help at long last but i still am not lookin forward to it.
the doctor ( female) will be the 4th adult not includin parents that i hav to talk to bout my problems mainly self harm. i feel like im bein parced around like a object and i hate that feelin.

im really scared and nervous wat if she tell me i need to take antidepressents. u see a year ago i was prescribed to painkillers and i got addicted. im sure im paniking for no reason but i find...

right so two days ago i had my meetin wiv head of year and parents and now that mum knows i feel like a weight has been lifted and its amazing

Im goin to see the school counsellor nexted week which means i can actually talk to someone im not attached to in anyway.

I would just like to say that if anyone on here is keeping their problems locked up inside ( parents or anyone in the real world doesnt know) then plez find the courage to tell someone because only good things...

right i really need to let things out so here goes...

got a meetin with head of year and mum i hav to tell mum everythin whast wiv head of year = stressful upsettin

tomoz is study day meanin we work at home and hav meetin with parents and tuor bout school. = talkin bout how im failin in all lessons and the fact that im never happy.

close friend has started SHin and another has got addicted and cant stop= all my fault they only SH because they saw it destressed...

I want to go to heaven a place of harmony.

I am so fed up of living in this hell hole called life.
My head of year is going to have a meetin wiv my mum bout how i am falling behind in lessons and how im not doing work etc he is also going to tell mum bout my SHin and i can't bare to hang round to watch her cry.

My cousin is only nine and is goin to hav to see a theripist after beening bullied and havin some issues.

Everyone i know that has problems...

On monday i have a meeting with the head of year bout my behavior in maths. JOYS OF LIFE.

I bet we will talk bout my home life and SH as well though and its annoying i want to be left alone to ruin my life i deserve to ive been a terribvle person all year and i don't see why people care so much when ive given them nothing but grieve.

I know ur all goin to say that its a good thing people care but i disagree especally as i only like talking to people on this website because...