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When you hear a noise and think "that's beautiful" or see something floating in the water and think "how peaceful" that's true inspiration.
Something From My Journal
Posted August 4th 2014 at 01:17 AM by lexiluv21299
Updated August 17th 2014 at 05:04 PM by lexiluv21299
Updated August 17th 2014 at 05:04 PM by lexiluv21299
Black Hole of Misery:
I'm tired of pretending. I'm really sad inside. I want to feel happy, but I can't. Ever since He left, my depression has been horrible. I feel so numb inside when it comes to happiness. It makes me feel terrible because Kristen (my girlfriend) says she really loves me, and I can't love her as much as she wants me to. I don't know if I can ever love again. I want to love her, I really do, but I can't. I can't love anyone. Sometimes I wonder why I can't love, and then I realize it's because every time I've loved, I've gotten hurt. I wish I could tell someone how numb I am inside without hurting everyone around me. If only someone understood. Sometimes I think I'm better off inpatient, but then I realize that I'll fake like I'm okay just like I do now. Is this what my life is going to be like? Pretend I'm okay during the day, then cry myself to sleep at night wanting to die from the pain? Why can't I just open up without being afraid someone will judge me? I feel so damn weak and helpless. I want help, but I'm scared. I get so close to telling people sometimes, and then I just can't. It always happens. If only they could see inside my brain.
I'm tired of pretending. I'm really sad inside. I want to feel happy, but I can't. Ever since He left, my depression has been horrible. I feel so numb inside when it comes to happiness. It makes me feel terrible because Kristen (my girlfriend) says she really loves me, and I can't love her as much as she wants me to. I don't know if I can ever love again. I want to love her, I really do, but I can't. I can't love anyone. Sometimes I wonder why I can't love, and then I realize it's because every time I've loved, I've gotten hurt. I wish I could tell someone how numb I am inside without hurting everyone around me. If only someone understood. Sometimes I think I'm better off inpatient, but then I realize that I'll fake like I'm okay just like I do now. Is this what my life is going to be like? Pretend I'm okay during the day, then cry myself to sleep at night wanting to die from the pain? Why can't I just open up without being afraid someone will judge me? I feel so damn weak and helpless. I want help, but I'm scared. I get so close to telling people sometimes, and then I just can't. It always happens. If only they could see inside my brain.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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I think that letting people know how you feel would be a good idea. They could help you work on getting the help that you deserve and help you work on getting to a better place.Posted August 4th 2014 at 03:17 AM by
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My girlfriend broke up with me when I told her. How is that supposed to help?Posted August 6th 2014 at 12:27 AM by lexiluv21299 
