Past mistakes

Lol I curse one tree hill. It's making me think of things that I never considered very important before. I mean to me the past has always been the past and that's where it should stay. But what happens after watching the episodes tonight? Of course its all brought up again in my mind.

I don't understand why this is happening now. I suppose partially because of the dreams that I've been having lately, in addition to comments that my girlfriend has been making in jest.

For anyone that has watched one tree hill, the episode I'm referring to is the one where Brooke told Lucas that she was pregnant.

It made me think of mistakes I made in the past, and how many times my ex gf and I thought she was pregnant. And of course to my idiotic 17 year old brain, I thought I would just drop out of high school and get a job and everything would be fine if she was.

*laughs* looking back I can't believe I was ever so frickin stupid. Sometimes I just wish that I could go back in time and prevent everything that happened. It's so weird, regretting things. But I do.

I guess thats part of why I am so scared now. I learned from my past mistakes, and really don't want to repeat them. I hope to god that im at least slightly smarter then I was then.

*laughs* ever heard the saying? When I was 15 my father was an idiot, When I turned 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in 6 years. That saying is so true. Even looking back now, I am amazed at my own stupidity

*wry grin* At least tonight has helped me to make sense of thoughts that had been spinning around in my head. It's so frickin weird. I'm a guy. We are wired to want sex 24/7. Yet the though of that and all it entails scares the living shit out of me.

*shakes head* yes im weird, this has been established long ago
And I dont even know where im going with this. I should prolly just go to sleep. Night to anyone that bothers to read this .