Give me a mattress a tv a fan.... it's all I want anymore...

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye


I still hurt... so fucking much.
I want to dissolve....

Yeah.... was kind of a shock when I realised it. At first I thought I was just missing England for some odd reason (considering I pretty much hated it). Then I realised it wasn't the place... it was the feeling. The fact that I was always happy while I was there is why I miss it so much.

I'm doing everything I can to stop this. I have to concentrate on my own path.

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Apparently money grows on trees.
I should buy a jumper,
send her the bill
And email her boss explaining why
it would only be fair.

I ponder whether scars are a suitable look on a receptionist.

Do you get paid to be a bitch? Or is it just your normal 'face'?

Ahhh





Another update in which very few shall reply
I want to cut again. Win win.
I want to abuse alcohol. Win win.
I want to take the pills. Win win.

Nothing is going to change. Lose lose.

No meds... no extra help...
I'm gonna go under.

I had a very very nice time on my... 10 hrs / 100 kilometres with Ki. My only complaint is that I am now sunburnt again

Oh well, it was worth it xD

(persons email) says:
hey steph.. how things? its (insert her name) just letting you know thanks for the left overs... me and (my abusive ex) have been going well for some time now.. thanks
Lee cal haile evally says:
wth?
(persons email) says:


I have no idea why she bothered to inform me. But... I ended up crying and telling my mother almost everything... she knows I think of his abuse every day.... she knows about the three TH suicide attempts that...

I'm meant to be signing the camp forms today, but I don't know if she'll let me go considering SIing with thoughts of suicide.
Marie, I doesn't want to lose you....

I'll lose me in the process... And then, not even Ki will be able to help shoo the clouds in my head away.

I wont be afraid to mix my alcohol with my pills... Even though I've been scared to due to House episodes..

It's a non-date. Meaning. Date but with only friendly intentions?

I don't know what to do... he's so nice but I get caught up on what to say. It's not easy anymore... A part of me is scared of letting slip that I am at risk of SI/Suicide.
I think we both have issues.
That still doesn't help me to know what to say...

Also, what to wear? It's so hot here I am going to be sweltering in my jeans... Ugh, just be normal Lee.
Any ideas what to wear, anyone?...