I Miss You

I miss you when I'm alone at night. When the world is asleep. When the moon and stars are out. I remember how we stayed up gazing at them, making wishes that we'd hope would come true one day. I miss you when I'm alone at night, when every thought I have is of you. I miss you when I'm alone at night, I miss your arms around me, legs tangled together, hands entertwined, my head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat.

I miss you when I'm awake. It doesn't matter where I am, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, it doesn't matter who I'm with. Everything reminds me of you. Whenever I listen to a song I find pieces of you, whenever something happens I wonder how you would react, what it would be like if you were here. No matter what I do to distract myself from thinking of you, you always find your way back into my head. I miss you when I'm awake, how we use to hang out, the laughs we use to have, the chill out days we use to have, the thrill seeking we use to do, well the thrill seeking you did because I'm a woose and scared to go cliff jumping. I miss you when I'm awake, when I do something as small as walk past a restaurant because I remember going for pizza with you. Even walking past random strangers and remembering how we had bubble tea and we tried to see who could hit anyone and everyone.

I miss you when I'm half way into unconsciousness, when I'm drunk and all my thoughts hit me at once. Even being drunk reminds me of you. I remember how you always use to hold my hand, but you only did that when you were drunk because you were to afraid to do it sober. I remember you giving me a back massage, and god do you give good back massages. I remember how I only had the guts to talk to you properly when I'm drunk, how I only have the guts to be close to you when I'm drunk because I'm too afraid to do it sober. I remember how you always look after me, always. Sober or drunk you're always there for me. I remember the "I love yous" though I don't know if they have a further meaning to it. I remember when I was halfway into unconsciousness, at rottnest, when you texted me asking you to stay. I so badly wanted you to stay, but I don't know if you were just drunk and I couldn't be selfish so I had to let you go. I remember feeling safe in your embrace, you had your arm around me, and I held your hand, even though holding your hand is the smallest gesture, it means the world to me. I heard your heartbeat and I smiled because I knew you were nervous by how fast your heart was beating.

I want to show you this, but I don't have the nerve. The thing is I want to tell you everything, but I'm afraid I'll loose you as a friend. Yet all my thoughts and feelings are driving me insane if I don't tell you. Well it's 4am and I'll make a promise to myself. Ill show you this one day, most likely when I'm drunk because well we both know I don't have the nerve to do it sober. I miss you.