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Whee, I'm gonna make a journal up here!
Lonely.
Posted July 28th 2014 at 10:45 PM by Koharuchan
So, data loss affected my blog too. Doesn't matter, it's lost. Was just an entry or two anyway. Anywho...
I feel awful anymore. My entire life just feels like it's falling apart and I don't have any idea how to piece it back together.
I've been feeling like this ever since my fiancé left. Now let me make this clear, he did not leave ME, he had to leave for boot camp. Navy. Everyone here jumps to the conclusion he left me when they hear he's left or gone. Anyway, after camp he'll be in A-School, then C-School, then finally he'll be home next summer and we'll be married. I know he had to leave, and that he's doing this to make a good life for us both, I understand everything he's done. But I can't bear 10 months of not seeing his face, feeling his touch, running my fingers through his hair, going for our walks together, sitting by the lake and talking while we watch the fish jump out of the water, laying on the ground together and just watching the stars. I miss him so much. I just don't feel safe when my Bear isn't here. I've had more nightmares about him not coming home than I've had good dreams about him. I'm so worried.
I know he did this so we could have a good, stable future. He put a lot of thought into this. He's even starting the Navy at a higher rank than everyone else because he did 4 years of ROTC and he did Summer Leadership school. According to his recruiter, by the time he graduates C-School, he'll be ready to become an E-5 (whatever that is), and she said she's been in the Navy over 8 years and she's an E-5. He'll have just finished his first year. She made it clear to all of us that he's really hit the ground running and we should all be proud of him. And of course, I'm so proud of him and I love him so much, but...I just can't help but wish he never had to do any of this.
I don't want him to be in the Service, but I refuse to leave the man I love.
I feel awful anymore. My entire life just feels like it's falling apart and I don't have any idea how to piece it back together.
I've been feeling like this ever since my fiancé left. Now let me make this clear, he did not leave ME, he had to leave for boot camp. Navy. Everyone here jumps to the conclusion he left me when they hear he's left or gone. Anyway, after camp he'll be in A-School, then C-School, then finally he'll be home next summer and we'll be married. I know he had to leave, and that he's doing this to make a good life for us both, I understand everything he's done. But I can't bear 10 months of not seeing his face, feeling his touch, running my fingers through his hair, going for our walks together, sitting by the lake and talking while we watch the fish jump out of the water, laying on the ground together and just watching the stars. I miss him so much. I just don't feel safe when my Bear isn't here. I've had more nightmares about him not coming home than I've had good dreams about him. I'm so worried.
I know he did this so we could have a good, stable future. He put a lot of thought into this. He's even starting the Navy at a higher rank than everyone else because he did 4 years of ROTC and he did Summer Leadership school. According to his recruiter, by the time he graduates C-School, he'll be ready to become an E-5 (whatever that is), and she said she's been in the Navy over 8 years and she's an E-5. He'll have just finished his first year. She made it clear to all of us that he's really hit the ground running and we should all be proud of him. And of course, I'm so proud of him and I love him so much, but...I just can't help but wish he never had to do any of this.
I don't want him to be in the Service, but I refuse to leave the man I love.
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Comments
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I know that all of this is hard. It would be really hard to have to be away from the person that you love but this will help your guys future and it won't be forever. I know those two things probably don't mean much right now but I promise that 10 months will go by in no time. While you are go through the 10 months it will probably seem like forever but once the 10 months is up you will look back on it and think that it passed quicker then you thought. Are you guys able to write to one another? I know that writing isn't the same as seeing one another but it might help the time pass by quicker. It will give you something to look forward to as well.
I know that ten months seems like forever but it is only a small amount of time given that the two of you are going to be spending the rest of your lives together, you know? This ten months will pass and then you guys can work on building your lives together. You guys have years together so try and hang on to that and it might help.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you are able to figure out some ways to work on passing the time. If you ever need to talk please feel free to message me.Posted July 29th 2014 at 12:06 AM by
