My Story (triggering)

So....When I was 4 my great-grandpa died and my soul died along with him. I lived with him and my great-grandma at the time and he was the only person in my house that took care of me. When I was 5 my great-grandma's ex boyfriend started to molest me. My father walked in on him touching me and he didn't do anything. It kept going on until I was 10. I didn't tell anyone until I was 11. I told my mother and she tried to press charges, but there was nothing she could do. When I was 12 I was started to get really depressed. I had just moved in with my mother, and she was constantly working so I couldn't tell her anything. In December of 2013, my mother and step-father decided to "divorce". My mother, brother, and I moved to Cincinnati, OH. We lived with my grandmother for a while and then my mother and step-father decided to get back together. I was not happy about it. My mother called the police on me 4 times that night. We moved back to Akron, OH. I was not okay. I was severely depressed, but I hid it pretty well. I went back to my middle school. It was my only escape from everything that was going on. All I had was my best friends. I told them everything. And they understood. Or at least they tried. Then over the summer my step-father and I worked at a restaurant together. Everything was fine until I found out he was cheating on my mother. I told my mother, and she was furious. At the end of the summer my step-father fired me. Which he had no power to do. I started self-harming...Nothing could make me happy. Then I started 8th grade, and I finally got to see my friends everyday. That cheered me up a bit. Then my mother found out about me self-harming. The night she found out she sat me down and wanted me to wait for my step-father to come home from work. He walked in and saw my cuts and he SMILED. I couldn't believe it. I went to my room and cried my self to sleep. As per usual. Then later that year in October, my mother decided to move and get a divorce. We moved back to Cincinnati, OH. And we were doing fine. I quit self-harming, and I was a bit happier. Then in February of this year my step-father came back. I was so upset. I started self-harming again. And my mom put me in the hospital 4 times. The last 2 times my doctors told me they hated my mother for what she has put me through. The last 2 times I was in the hospital I was only out of the hospital for a few hours before I went back. I finally stopped going to the hospital. But I ended up in this place called Lighthouse. It was a place for teens that had no one. I was there for a week. Then I moved in with my grandma. I was finally happy. Then 6 weeks after I moved in my aunt and I got into a small disagreement, and my mother decided she was going to take me back. ....And now I am back into the same place I was last year. Self-harming, suicidal, and severely depressed. I guess you could say it's a cycle....


I have a fucked up life....I know...And I hate it...But there's nothing I can do except attempt suicide and wait for my graduation day.....