Yes, still exhausted.
Showered and brushed my teeth last night though, and need to clean my bedroom over the weekend.

Texted my Dad to find out if he's still taking us to the fireworks display, no answer so I rang his place, no answer so I rang Mum's - my younger brother answers - "Are you in hospital? Or that other place? Or - " and I'm like, "I'm at home, I just want to talk to Mum!". Ffs, he's such an arsehole. Anyway, it turns out, younger brother has...

Went to bed at about 11pm last night, because Tristan stayed up talking. He's a nice guy and all, but I was tired and I had a headache. So he went and slept in his car, and I went to bed and slept. For the most part.

Got up at about 10am, pulled on some clothes, had a smoke, and went to probation. Which went alright, but my probation officer said it was obvious that I was tired, and grumpy. Luckily she only made me stay for about 10 minutes, which meant I didn't have to struggle through...

To the point that today I had a fairly massive headache, and could not for the life of me fall asleep and have a short nap to sleep it off. Fml.

Tristan came over. Did his washing, had some food, went and got Luke, returned, left again, they'll be coming back later and we're going to play pool. I'll go, because I don't want to be rude, but in all honesty I feel like somebody bashed my brain.

I'm over feeling like this. Over the exhaustion, over feeling low all the time,...

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I wake up around 7 every day, open my door so the cat can leave and go toilet or drink from random places if he so desires, and then get straight back into bed, where I spend the next few hours trying to decide if it's worth getting out of bed, having a drink, eating something, putting on clothes that aren't pyjamas, and rolling a smoke.

Usually I get out of bed around 11, when staying in bed any longer seems slightly ridiculous, and in case somebody comes to visit, I want to look...

So utterly, completely exhausted.
Not very hungry.
Tired.
Fidgetty - I have periods where I can't sit still, even if I try.
Overly social, and then when people go, I slip back into myself.

But I'm so very tired. There's not even any good reason why. I'm getting plenty of sleep, and only having minor nightmares - as in, when I wake up, I know they're just nightmares and they're not affecting me so badly, I can go back to sleep and all.

I'm...

Just after 9:00pm. I've just had a shower. I shaved my legs today. I also got groceries, a pack of tailies, ate 2 meals, and got exited from Tupu Ake.

So I guess I should explain the last 12 days.

Monday 29th October, after turning off my laptop, I had a smoke, then took a massive overdose. I will not tell you what, I'm not here to help people kill themselves. But I will say that every professional I have spoken to since then has called it a massive overdose.
...

The danger of admitting you're depressed, is once your brain is aware you're not in denial any longer, it drags you right down to where it wants you to be.

I swing between seriously suicidal with urgent intent to apathetic. And back again. And back again. And again. And again. And I'm so tired, I think soon I will give up and give in. I doubt I will die. It will be listed as serious self-harm, or a failed attempt. Who cares. I might get a good long dreamless sleep out of it.
...

Alarm goes off this morning, first thing I noticed, it's pissing down with rain. Five hours later, nothing has changed in that regard. Then Leisa rang at about 8am, so I hauled ass out of bed. Ended up being a good thing, I got a free ride to Lambie Dr for my appointment because she was going there and passing our place on the way. So that was nice.

My appointment with Judy. Talking over various things. "So you're depressed." "Well, um, yeah I guess so."
...

Yeah, this morning I feel better. Actually, I usually feel a bit better in the mornings, which I guess would indicate that the quetiapine goes into action over night and reaches a peak serum level 10 - 16 hours after ingestion. I also think this means that perhaps I should ask to be taking something around 3 - 5pm to help me with nights, or something in the morning that would peak in the evening, helping me deal with the distressing thoughts I experience in the evenings.

I went to...