After more than two years, it shouldn't affect me anymore. There should be no nostalgia and no regret, because I know so fully that I'm better off without her. I was going through old photos tonight, photos of the two of us. I thought I looked fit, attractive, and well adjusted. I thought SHE looked overweight with bad skin and a slutty dress sense.

I started to question why I still stayed with her, even after she cheated. And I remembered having NO self-esteem whilst I was with her,...

I don't know what to do with them!
My community support worker, Leisa, is getting me stuff I don't have (using flexifund) pretty much just because she can. I feel weird about it. I mean it's really nice, but this is stuff that I would usually wait ages and ages to get. And furthermore, it's not cheap stuff either, and it's for the most part exactly the same as what I would choose for myself. I had pretty much no say in the matter. She just decided she was doing it.

So I'm getting...

I did not sleep at all last night. Maybe 30 - 45 minutes around 7, but pretty much not at all. It was the heat. It was a consistent 22 degrees ALL night (celsius, this is), with about 80% humidity. My brain and my body just went, nope, we're not complying.

As a result I've spent most of today in a barely-awake haze. I'm so completely exhausted. Leisa said I wasn't to have an afternoon nap because then I wouldn't sleep tonight, and I was sorely tempted, especially as my flatmate had...

Goshdarned humidity. My palms have sweated basically all day. Washing them with cold water is the ONLY thing that helps, but I don't want to wash my hands too much because I don't want my flatmate to think I'm OCD or something like that. Unfortunately, I have mild eczema, and I'm allergic to my own sweat, so having sweaty palms almost constantly is making it worse, and sometimes it really stings, like when something like shampoo gets on the raw skin.

My flatmate is calling...

Myself and my flatmate both got superbly bored today. It was just one of those days where there was very little to do.

I changed my sheets, but I haven't done my washing yet because tomorrow's forecast is for rain, and I would like to hang my washing outside this time, because it smells better that way. I've also written a note on my hand to remind myself to vacuum my bedroom.

I ate the world's most delicious chips today. It was worth the wait. I bought them on Friday,...

Actually, it's not that bad. It's 20 degrees celsius, which is warm for night, but I felt too warm because I just had a shower. I thought I'd get more achieved sitting in a nice cool faux-leather computer chair than lying in bed feeling frustrated and butthurt though, so here I am.

We achieved some good things today! Sam's foster mother, Marre, has a van. We should have realised this sooner, but did not. Anyway, she very kindly helped us swap over the refridgerator and the washing...

Been intending to complain for a while, didn't have the energy to write blog post. Do now.

Saturday. Neighbour's music, other neighbour's gaming system, flatmate's music, flatmate's television, and all I want is some alone and some quiet. Cannot have either until flatmate goes to bed, because when I shut my door during the day, it worries her, and she sometimes gets offended thinking maybe I don't like her or shit like that. The reality is my mind just needs lots of space at the moment,...

I'm so tired. It's because I'm not sleeping well, but there's nothing that's happening. I saw my keyworker yesterday and she said she'd talk to my doctor about it, but we are both doubtful that he will do anything about it. I don't see her again until January 18th.

I'm somewhat glad that my favourite toy is a little blunt. Not dirty, just not as sharp as it once was. This is good because when I was in the mood to cause som major damage, what I did isn't actually that bad. I've been...

First things first: What I was originally going to blog about (but TH was down) - a record of a text conversation I had.

Me 10-Dec-2012 15:07:44 : I have been staying out of trouble. But i've been having really strong urges to do stuff. I'm not doing anything because i want my license back, but there's been a couple of times that i'm almost leaving before i remember that. Awkward, haven't told Sam, don't want her worrying.

Leisa 11-Dec-2012 09:57:21 : Just seen your...

Step 1: Disconnect self from FJ.
Step 2: Write blog about feeling disconnected.

Go to bed awake, wake up tired. Everybody knows how that feels. Midnight passes every night and I'm laying in bed awake. Eleven A.M. comes and goes daily before I decide to get out of bed. It's not that I'm asleep. It's that I'm in mixed minds regarding whether or not I should put in the effort to be vertical or not.

Leisa came over for a couple of hours. Pruned the tomatoes, added...