Today marks FOUR WEEKS self-harm free.

I will have to set a new goal. I kind of don't want to do another four weeks, because that feels like achieving the same thing twice, so I'm thinking maybe 6 weeks? I'm not sure, but I'll be discussing it with Debbie at some point.

Last night I got drunk. Why?, you might ask. Well, I was going through some stuff in my cupboard, and I happened to find a letter that was a formal caution from gymnastics a couple of years ago. I'd...

Yup, I did that today. Although prior to that, I woke up, went to the dairy, and had the second of my three blood tests done.

Oh, I also planned to watch the second America's Cup race today, as I was getting blood drawn when the first one was happening, but it turns out Oracle are pussies so the next races won't be until Friday my time. We're 4 points up at any rate, so almost half way to winning the thing.

A car pulled up at 9:30am, as I had expected, but then I had...

It terrifies me that since I've started eating regularly I've gained weight. I'm already obese. I don't want to be more obese. Will this correct itself once my body gets used to it? I'm scared and a large part of me wants to go back to just eating once a day. I may not have been losing weight but at least I wasn't gaining it.

Gym membership this week, I've done my finances, I'll be able to afford it, PRAISE JEEBUS, because if I'm going to be eating three times a day then holy fuck...

Okay, so you might not be aware of this, but I've headaches most days for the last couple of months, along with feeling tired and generally energy-less - even though I've been sleeping. You also might not know that I finally went to the doctor about the abominable abdominal cramps I experience when I get my period.

So, at the doctors, got sent for blood tests. Three. Once for a full count plus assorted hormones, one for progesterone about a week before my period, and one for FSH between...

So I had stitches again, just over 3 weeks ago. A lot of other stuff happened too, although I don't remember precisely what, I do remember that I rang Debbie that Friday and we talked about how I'd said that I don't see self-harm as being beneficial for me long-term. Well, she said, what if we do a trial of not self-harming for a while? So that instead of being faced with stopping permanently all at once, I could attack it in more achievable amounts of time. We settled on a month. And so that there's...

To my uterus.

COULD. YOU. NOT.

Periods should either be disgusting OR so painful I cannot function. Both is just unfair. So hopefully my uterus will receive this memo. If not then I'm probably up for a long night.

Sigh.

</rant>

Right so finally updating you guys.

I have to attend to have a forensic mental health report done on September 11th, which is basically to determine if I'm unwell (haha) and how much of an impact that has on my offending. They get access to ALL my psychiatric and medical records and as my psychologist said, it's not going to look good. At the moment we're fairly sure it's going to contribute to a more restrictive sentence rather than a lesser one.

My date for sentencing...

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So I saw my legal aid lawyer today. Good news! He thinks at the very worst, I will be sentenced with Home Detention, and otherwise I will be looking at a community-based sentence such as supervision. He says it depends on what view the judge takes when we eventually get around to being sentenced. His own view is that I'm extremely high-risk, but as he said, whether or not the judge thinks that will depend on the judge.

I will be entering my plea on Monday. I'll be pleading guilty...

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