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Can of worms.
Posted October 24th 2013 at 10:49 PM by i_like_black
I did the Reality Acceptance worksheet for DBT, and it was very confronting, and it has opened a whole massive can of worms. I rang Debbie this morning. I had no other option. This stuff is too big, I can't process it. It's sitting in my mind and it's so unpleasant and I just don't know what to do with it.
I want to cut really badly. I've just hit ten weeks and I've set a new goal, of six more weeks on top of that, but it just - it feels like it would help so much right now. It would be such a release. I would feel calmer. I could focus on the pain instead of the images in my head. I don't know. I'm really, really struggling. But at least now Debbie knows I'm struggling, and hopefully I'll get through the weekend and . . . yeah.
Peer Employment Training starts not this Monday but the next one. I'm excited and a little scared, but mostly really happy that I'm going to do it. I've been thinking that when I finish the training, I might not look for work right away - I want to be in a more stable place than I am right now, and I know that the processing I'm going to do with Debbie is going to be really hard and leave me on a lot of shaky ground. I mean, I'm on shaky ground right now. Just trying to . . . keep my balance, I guess.
My anklet for community detention is going to be put on on Tuesday, so my CD sentence officially starts on the 29th. Two months of having an electronically monitored curfew, oh boy, fun. Combined with how long I was on bail for, it's going to end up being close to 5 months of having to be at home for 12 hours a day. Oh well.
I applied for staff on here. We'll see if I get on or not
I'm really worried, I feel so on edge, what would happen if I ended up in respite or something at the same time as being accepted for staff? I'd feel so bad for letting people down.
Anyway. In general I'm feeling rather good, I just have all these . . . worries, I guess, and things in my mind. :S As Debbie so rightly said, doing that worksheet has opened a giant can of worms.
I want to cut really badly. I've just hit ten weeks and I've set a new goal, of six more weeks on top of that, but it just - it feels like it would help so much right now. It would be such a release. I would feel calmer. I could focus on the pain instead of the images in my head. I don't know. I'm really, really struggling. But at least now Debbie knows I'm struggling, and hopefully I'll get through the weekend and . . . yeah.
Peer Employment Training starts not this Monday but the next one. I'm excited and a little scared, but mostly really happy that I'm going to do it. I've been thinking that when I finish the training, I might not look for work right away - I want to be in a more stable place than I am right now, and I know that the processing I'm going to do with Debbie is going to be really hard and leave me on a lot of shaky ground. I mean, I'm on shaky ground right now. Just trying to . . . keep my balance, I guess.
My anklet for community detention is going to be put on on Tuesday, so my CD sentence officially starts on the 29th. Two months of having an electronically monitored curfew, oh boy, fun. Combined with how long I was on bail for, it's going to end up being close to 5 months of having to be at home for 12 hours a day. Oh well.
I applied for staff on here. We'll see if I get on or not
I'm really worried, I feel so on edge, what would happen if I ended up in respite or something at the same time as being accepted for staff? I'd feel so bad for letting people down.
Anyway. In general I'm feeling rather good, I just have all these . . . worries, I guess, and things in my mind. :S As Debbie so rightly said, doing that worksheet has opened a giant can of worms.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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I think you can get through all of the processing, especially with someone like Debbie on your side who can guide you through it. It's good that you called so she knows too. I have confidence you will get through this weekend without self harm. You're strong.
And everyone will understand on Staff as well.
And let me know how PET goes!Posted October 24th 2013 at 11:37 PM by ¯|_(ツ)_|¯
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I'll feed those worms to my turtle if you like so you don't have to deal with them... hehe
That's so awesome you applied for staff! And yeah if you're unable to do duties or whatnot for some reason, let them know and they're all pretty cool with it I had to leave it sadly not long after I joined for reasons... it was okay. I'm surprised you're not already on it! ;D
You are pretty darn resilient, you can get through this <3Posted October 26th 2013 at 01:07 AM by Greenie
