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Surreal day.
Posted September 28th 2013 at 08:39 AM by i_like_black
I couldn't stay home last night. So after I left chat, I drove to Hamilton. I left Auckland at about 3:15 AM, and there was basically no traffic, but I was careful to drive at the speed limit. I got to the parking lot I was aiming for at about 4:40 AM. I smoked the rest of my joint and then I fell asleep for two hours in the driver's seat. I woke up. Then I went to the nearest supermarket to buy some food. I slept in the driver's seat for a further hour or so following that. Then I went to The Base because I needed to use a toilet.
Following my trip to The Base, I went back to the church. My aunts turned up not long after that. We set up for the 80th, then there was the 80th. I saw lots of people. It was good to see my grandfather. Then I drove home and had a shower, and here I am.
Tomorrow I'm visiting Karin. I'm just keeping myself busy until Monday. So I can ask Debbie to please do something. Anything. I'm so terrible. I feel so terrible. I've lost the majority of my will to continue. To even breathe. What's happening to me.
I feel like crying all the time. I feel like dying all the time. Today felt surreal.
There's no way out of this dark place.
No hope.
No future.
Following my trip to The Base, I went back to the church. My aunts turned up not long after that. We set up for the 80th, then there was the 80th. I saw lots of people. It was good to see my grandfather. Then I drove home and had a shower, and here I am.
Tomorrow I'm visiting Karin. I'm just keeping myself busy until Monday. So I can ask Debbie to please do something. Anything. I'm so terrible. I feel so terrible. I've lost the majority of my will to continue. To even breathe. What's happening to me.
I feel like crying all the time. I feel like dying all the time. Today felt surreal.
There's no way out of this dark place.
No hope.
No future.
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