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I was going to take over the world . . .
Posted April 17th 2013 at 11:53 AM by i_like_black
I used to be young and think my dreams were achievable, I was going to take over the world, be famous, be rich, be effortlessly me.
Now, I think I'll settle for sleeping each night.
Food inside me each day.
Enough internet to distract from what's probably pain.
I'm a mess.
I can't act out.
Cut yourself? People talk; everybody's all like, take the quetiapine, it'll help.
It doesn't. It just makes me feel fuzzy.
Light a fire? Apparently it's taking a huge risk. Risking getting caught, risking it getting out of control. (Psh, as if.)
Walk on the motorway? You'll just get arrested. Maybe sectioned. Your probation officer will probably nearly choke on your audacity.
It's all so . . . whatever. I mean part of me wants to go out and do ALL these things and just scream through the streets that I'm not okay.
And the rest of me hopes that when I go to bed tonight, falling asleep will take less than two hours.
Now, I think I'll settle for sleeping each night.
Food inside me each day.
Enough internet to distract from what's probably pain.
I'm a mess.
I can't act out.
Cut yourself? People talk; everybody's all like, take the quetiapine, it'll help.
It doesn't. It just makes me feel fuzzy.
Light a fire? Apparently it's taking a huge risk. Risking getting caught, risking it getting out of control. (Psh, as if.)
Walk on the motorway? You'll just get arrested. Maybe sectioned. Your probation officer will probably nearly choke on your audacity.
It's all so . . . whatever. I mean part of me wants to go out and do ALL these things and just scream through the streets that I'm not okay.
And the rest of me hopes that when I go to bed tonight, falling asleep will take less than two hours.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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It can be difficult looking back and thinking about how easy and simple things seemed when you were younger. All the dreams that don't seem possible anymore, but the way you describe your feelings changing now, what's to say they wont change again? Hope can be hard to see but it doesn't mean it's not there.Posted April 17th 2013 at 12:59 PM by Ellie
