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Ambivalence.
Posted April 15th 2013 at 09:30 AM by i_like_black
Apparently is the state of being unable to choose between two opposing courses of action. Which right now, fits me perfectly.
On the one hand, get fit, get well, be healthy, stop self-harming, do peer employment training, get a job. On the other hand . . . light fires, cut deep, just eat less, look for stuff to blow up, sleep too much, or spend all night on the internet . . .
I literally can't make the choice between working towards recovery or staying mentally unwell. Which I suppose is quite an insight as to where I am right now.
I'd love to write more, but my bed is comfortable and it's storming beautifully outside.
Debbie wants me to do diary cards.
Leisa might come over tomorrow.
I took my gauged ear up another size. Still 2 or 3 sizes too small for a tunnel though.
Can't get my stitches out until Friday. Itches like mad.
Had a blood test this morning. My one decent vein wouldn't pop up, was annoying.
Yeah.
On the one hand, get fit, get well, be healthy, stop self-harming, do peer employment training, get a job. On the other hand . . . light fires, cut deep, just eat less, look for stuff to blow up, sleep too much, or spend all night on the internet . . .
I literally can't make the choice between working towards recovery or staying mentally unwell. Which I suppose is quite an insight as to where I am right now.
I'd love to write more, but my bed is comfortable and it's storming beautifully outside.
Debbie wants me to do diary cards.
Leisa might come over tomorrow.
I took my gauged ear up another size. Still 2 or 3 sizes too small for a tunnel though.
Can't get my stitches out until Friday. Itches like mad.
Had a blood test this morning. My one decent vein wouldn't pop up, was annoying.
Yeah.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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"Do you know what that word means, 'ambivalence'?"
"I don't care."
...
"On the contrary... Ambivalence suggests strong feelings, in opposition... the word suggests that you are torn, between two opposing courses of action..."
"Will I stay or will I go?"
"Am I sane... or am I crazy?"
~~~
I've been there. Heck, I'm still there. But you're a smart girl. You know what the right choice is. And I know you can do it. <3
Also we almost got a storm today. Ended up just being a bit of rain. Made me think of you.
Posted April 15th 2013 at 09:59 AM by Storyteller.
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Chess is right, you're a smart girl and you can definitely do this. I know sometimes it's hard but you're a lovely person and deserve the best.
Don't stop fighting, okay?Posted April 15th 2013 at 06:12 PM by Palmolive
