*witty title*

Okay so, over the last few days, I've been taking a sort of unscheduled mental health break from nearly everything.

So updates.
Flatmate has cleaned up the large majority of her hair dye mess, to the point that I now feel it is at an acceptable (but not optimal) level of clean. She's also getting better at not inviting the neighbours in. She's still not amazingly clean and I'm still not coping too well with living with her, but I'm managing.

Leisa and I went to Maraetai on Wednesday afternoon. It was great! Well, aside from cutting one of my toes on yet another rock - the tide was going out so yeah. Maraetai is relatively sandy though, so it was one cut instead of many. I floated in the water just chilling out, having a good time. I'd worn my togs underneath, as I had decided if we were going to a beach, I was going for a fucking swim. Leisa got jealous of watching me in the water, so she joined me for a bit, although that was hilarious as she joined me fully clothed. I was trying so hard not to laugh at her, I ended up giggling anyway. I think initially she had intended to simply wade out to where I was (low-tide at Maraetai it stays a metre deep almost forever), but she kept almost losing her balance so she just jumped in. She couldn't float as lazily and easily as I though, so she went back to shore before me. Then we sat on the sand drying out and talking for a while, which was good.

Then on Wednesday evening I started to get all panicky and shaky and anxious and agitated, for no clear reason. I tried to have a shower but was interrupted by a spider trying to join me, so I had to abort the shower. I went to bed and I tried to relax, I mean I tried really hard, being comfortable, thinking positive thoughts, redirecting from my urges, and nothing worked. I basically didn't sleep. And then, Thursday's WRAP class was incredibly triggering for me, because people kept referring to stuff that is related to the stuff I'm going to be working on, so the class didn't really help.

I went home and I did a whole lot of distraction stuff (Leisa rang me in the morning before the class because I had texted her to tell her how I was feeling, and she went through some things I could do to keep myself distracted which might calm me down), I cleaned my room, I changed my sheets, I did my washing, I swept the lino and the wooden floor, I vacuumed all the carpet, I washed the dishes I had on the bench (two cups, a small bowl, and a spoon - lol), I hung up my washing, and whilst I was doing these tasks I stepped outside to smoke multiple times.

Leisa came just after 3:00pm. She had a look at the list I have in the WRAP booklet and so we started on how to stop my mind from freaking out. I explained about the spider in the shower and she kindly removed all three spiders in the shower. She asked if I'd thought of taking some quetiapine and I said I hadn't considered that. So I took a 300mg and had a shower, and then I still felt horrible, so we went for a drive, sat under a tree for a while, then some gross people came so we drove elsewhere and sat in the car for a while. At some point whilst we were in the car, the quetiapine kicked in, and instead of feeling like I had an ant's nest in my chest, I started to feel kind of distant from it. Still had everything in my head but it mattered less and the agitated fidgeting stopped, and I got dozy. And also sort of zoned out. I must have zoned out fairly intensely because Leisa mentioned it then drove me home. I had a nap, woke up, had dinner, watched TV on my laptop, then went to sleep, and slept comfortably through until sunrise, then dozed until 10:00am, and I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday.

I have blocked my ex on facebook because she keeps trying to contact me and sending me friend requests and stuff, I don't need that complicating my life.

On Tuesday Mum and Nana came over for afternoon tea (sort of). I went back to their place and stayed the night.

Other stuff.
Leisa is aware of a cleaning job, 4 - 5 hours a week, cash in hand, which I could potentially do. Being paid in cash would mean not having to try and work anything out with WINZ, which simplifies matters.

Leisa is also aware of a 1 bdrm unit at the other end of Manurewa that will be available soon. She asked if I was interested and I said yes, so she's going to arrange a viewing of that for me if possible. I must say, living on my own with Linny is very appealing.

Also, because going somewhere during the day is helpful (it's especially helpful getting up at the same time each day, it helps me figure out if my sleep is ok or not), I've been asked if I want to do peer support training once I finish WRAP. Sounds like a good idea.

(I mention Leisa a lot, don't I?)
I said something about needing her yesterday and she said this:
"Well you know what? We have been waiting for you to need me."

So I'm allowed to need her. It's okay, it's expected, it's desirable from their side of the fence. Which is something of a relief to me. She also said that the reason I'm so on edge at the moment, she thinks may be because there's so much happening in my head, and WRAP is high lighting stuff, and I'm just exhausted mentally. She has a point there.

I think that's everything.
I'm still very tired. At least I'm not anxious and panicky today though.