Yeah.

Keri came over this morning. Didn't ask anything about the hoodie. Said I was clearly shattered. Offered to come over again later. I declined.

Last night, I'd just fallen asleep, and there was really loud knocking on the door. I didn't want to get it, but it kept going on for ages, so I went to my window at roughly the same time as my flatmate answered the door. It was the police. It was 2am. I was like, whafuck? And my flatmate felt the same. Turns out the guy that used to live here gave this as his address. We were not impressed.

I couldn't get back to sleep, then at 4:30am I had to get up to deal with some violent and painful diarrohea. Woo, funtimes. Still couldn't sleep. It started raining around 7ish and I fell asleep for an hour or so, and then my cat came running into my bedroom with a squealing bird. Good on him for catching it, but I didn't want birdshit on the carpet, and I wasn't happy about being woken up.

So that's two nights in a row I haven't slept.

I'm still cutting daily.

Keri said that it might be Abi who comes tomorrow. I just cannot talk to that guy, he's more than just one sandwich short of the full picnic.

Honestly I should probably be in hospital or respite. If somebody onto it comes tomorrow, that may happen. I'm not looking forward to New Year's. It's tomorrow. I don't feel like drinking, and I think getting stoned would be a bad idea. Normally I'm all good with occasional cannabis use, and we've actually been saving some for New Year's celebrations, but where I am at the moment I just don't think it's a good idea.

I feel like I'm losing the plot. It's like there's a bunch of helium balloons and I have to hang on to the strings, but I'm not sure which strings to hang on to so some of them are floating away.

I am completely out of my depth.