Disconnect.

Step 1: Disconnect self from FJ.
Step 2: Write blog about feeling disconnected.

Go to bed awake, wake up tired. Everybody knows how that feels. Midnight passes every night and I'm laying in bed awake. Eleven A.M. comes and goes daily before I decide to get out of bed. It's not that I'm asleep. It's that I'm in mixed minds regarding whether or not I should put in the effort to be vertical or not.

Leisa came over for a couple of hours. Pruned the tomatoes, added stakes so they no longer fall over. Tomatoes shall be eaten once they finish growing. Yum, free tomatoes. She said something about me getting a television. I said it's all good because I'm getting Mum's current one when she upgrades. Leisa made a rude hand gesture (not the fingers, not the up yours . . . I don't know what it means, I just know from my younger sister that it's offensive) and said she's getting me a T.V. . . . and I'm thinking, fuck off, I have the internet.

After she left I texted her regarding my increasingly severe urges to do things that are impulsive, reckless, and potentially dangerous. I'm quite honestly only just keeping a lid on these things at the moment. Midnight walkies, motorway walkies, buy a water gun and shoot randoms . . . that sort of stuff. Lighting random fires. I think being stoned would help. Being stoned would deeeefinitely help. I'm taking my meds. I still don't think they're doing very much. I've been cutting a little, but only a little.

I haven't showered or brushed my teeth in days. Not entirely sure why my personal hygiene has taken a back seat, it just has. Gymnastics prizegiving tomorrow evening, will need to shower and brush teeth prior to that. Don't want to turn up looking homeless or whatever.

I've been drawing more. Some of it's pretty fucking legit. Also, whilst I was thinking about my clothing collection and lamenting that I am too fat to fit most of the cool stuff, I stumbled upon the idea of making my own damn clothes. I spent at least an hour planning patterns and figuring out how the U-shaped thing in shorts and pants patterns actually works. I understand it now. It was like . . . mind, blown. Like the guy who used Haunter's "Mean look" to prevent a legendary dog from escaping. Genius.

My flatmate has been cleaning a lot today. I guess the house will be spotless and tomorrow (Tuesday) she'll have nothing to do.

I haven't had lunch. As I got up at about 11:30am, I figured I can probably pretty safely go from breakfast straight to dinner. I did have a banana though and I need to make more juice.

Aside from the laziness and bullshit motivation level, I think I'm gradually going manic. If you read this, just based on my blog entries of the last week or so, and your own knowledge of mania, what would you say?

I say it's time to cook eggs and have dinner.