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*yawn*
Posted November 14th 2012 at 11:31 PM by i_like_black
Went to bed at about 11pm last night, because Tristan stayed up talking. He's a nice guy and all, but I was tired and I had a headache. So he went and slept in his car, and I went to bed and slept. For the most part.
Got up at about 10am, pulled on some clothes, had a smoke, and went to probation. Which went alright, but my probation officer said it was obvious that I was tired, and grumpy. Luckily she only made me stay for about 10 minutes, which meant I didn't have to struggle through anything too awkward.
Leisa rang, asked about the clothes thing. Because yesterday I asked her what you wear to a wedding (because Karina's wedding is in just under three weeks), and she said something about us going out and getting something appropriate for a wedding. So she rang today to ask if I'd thought any further about it. I hadn't really. So I've been tasked with thinking about it between today and tomorrow.
I feel so awkward about the whole concept. Clothes shopping is hard at the very best of times for me, partly because I'm fat, and it's hard to find my size, and partly because in clothing stores I quite simply feel like a bull in a china shop. So now I have to convince myself that it's worth the awkwardness, because I don't want to turn up at Karina's wedding looking yuck. But it sure feels like getting chucked in a deep ocean with no idea how to swim.
Me and my comfort zone are having separation issues. As in, we don't want to be separated. And because I'm low, stepping out of my comfort zone is just that much harder, and I wish I had PRN - if I could, for example, take a lorazepam before going on this mission with Leisa, it would be a lot more manageable, but because I don't get PRN, I have to deal with the fast heartbeat, the sweating, the inability to maintain eye-contact, and the desire to just run away from the situation. So yeah.
My probation officer said I need to eat something. I think I'll have some of the chips I got yesterday, I know they're a nice flavour.
And thank you for your comments on previous blog entries, it's really nice to know you guys care. <3
Got up at about 10am, pulled on some clothes, had a smoke, and went to probation. Which went alright, but my probation officer said it was obvious that I was tired, and grumpy. Luckily she only made me stay for about 10 minutes, which meant I didn't have to struggle through anything too awkward.
Leisa rang, asked about the clothes thing. Because yesterday I asked her what you wear to a wedding (because Karina's wedding is in just under three weeks), and she said something about us going out and getting something appropriate for a wedding. So she rang today to ask if I'd thought any further about it. I hadn't really. So I've been tasked with thinking about it between today and tomorrow.
I feel so awkward about the whole concept. Clothes shopping is hard at the very best of times for me, partly because I'm fat, and it's hard to find my size, and partly because in clothing stores I quite simply feel like a bull in a china shop. So now I have to convince myself that it's worth the awkwardness, because I don't want to turn up at Karina's wedding looking yuck. But it sure feels like getting chucked in a deep ocean with no idea how to swim.
Me and my comfort zone are having separation issues. As in, we don't want to be separated. And because I'm low, stepping out of my comfort zone is just that much harder, and I wish I had PRN - if I could, for example, take a lorazepam before going on this mission with Leisa, it would be a lot more manageable, but because I don't get PRN, I have to deal with the fast heartbeat, the sweating, the inability to maintain eye-contact, and the desire to just run away from the situation. So yeah.
My probation officer said I need to eat something. I think I'll have some of the chips I got yesterday, I know they're a nice flavour.
And thank you for your comments on previous blog entries, it's really nice to know you guys care. <3
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