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Posted October 6th 2012 at 11:55 PM by i_like_black
So last night, 12 hours in bed. Not all of them sleeping (obviously), but I didn't haul ass out of bed until after 11:30am. Much like yesterday. And I still have that 
half awake/eyelids feel heavy feeling.
My cat was being very cuddly this morning. I enjoy him, he's an excellent feline. He curled up on my shoulder whilst I was laying in bed so I spent a while laying with my face in a furball. He's a very good smelling furball.
I went for walkies on the hard shoulder of the motorway last night. Result? Pissed off policemen, a $250 fine, and driven home. Also threatened with further arrests, preventative detention, and being trespassed from the entire Auckland network. But look at it this way: No trip to the Manukau hub. No talking to the crisis team. No time wasted figuring out how to get home the next day. Just some very annoyed police, and a fine. And so long as they don't ring ICT (which I doubt they will) . . . then I'm away laughing, pretty much.
I feel very, very unstable. Like, I am quite low, but I don't know what I am going to do next kind of thing, and when I'm doing these things, it seems fun. Although in the process of talking to the police, my very high level of apathy became very apparent to me. It's like . . . perhaps I should be bothered. But I'm not.
It's like having everything inside your skin feeling very, very shaky. It's like your mind won't concentrate for very long because it keeps getting side-tracked. It's like not being able to deal with simple things. It's very, very strange, and I'm very glad I didn't have to speak to the crisis team because that probably would have ended in a trip to hospital. Although I'm not sure if I care or not. This is a very weird place to find oneself. I suppose it would be simpler if I was actively suicidal, but I'm simply, not. Suicide takes effort. I'm lazy.
And blah blah blah.
half awake/eyelids feel heavy feeling.My cat was being very cuddly this morning. I enjoy him, he's an excellent feline. He curled up on my shoulder whilst I was laying in bed so I spent a while laying with my face in a furball. He's a very good smelling furball.
I went for walkies on the hard shoulder of the motorway last night. Result? Pissed off policemen, a $250 fine, and driven home. Also threatened with further arrests, preventative detention, and being trespassed from the entire Auckland network. But look at it this way: No trip to the Manukau hub. No talking to the crisis team. No time wasted figuring out how to get home the next day. Just some very annoyed police, and a fine. And so long as they don't ring ICT (which I doubt they will) . . . then I'm away laughing, pretty much.
I feel very, very unstable. Like, I am quite low, but I don't know what I am going to do next kind of thing, and when I'm doing these things, it seems fun. Although in the process of talking to the police, my very high level of apathy became very apparent to me. It's like . . . perhaps I should be bothered. But I'm not.
It's like having everything inside your skin feeling very, very shaky. It's like your mind won't concentrate for very long because it keeps getting side-tracked. It's like not being able to deal with simple things. It's very, very strange, and I'm very glad I didn't have to speak to the crisis team because that probably would have ended in a trip to hospital. Although I'm not sure if I care or not. This is a very weird place to find oneself. I suppose it would be simpler if I was actively suicidal, but I'm simply, not. Suicide takes effort. I'm lazy.
And blah blah blah.
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