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Every time a car goes past . . .
Posted September 10th 2012 at 01:11 AM by i_like_black
Every time a car drives past my unit, I get paranoid that it's going to be somebody coming to see me. I don't feel like seeing anybody at the moment. I also don't feel like conversations with any of the people I might potentially see - Leisa, Judy, Jens - I'm buzzing on my solo thing at the moment.
And the reason for that paragraph was that a car drove past my window just as I was starting this blog entry, and I had a little minor panic.
I'm wearing clothes that are 100% clean. Except for the bra, but that's because I only really have one bra that fits at the moment. Only issue is, because I've been living here over a month without a washing machine (and have only been to the laundromat once), the only clothes that are truly clean are those which don't fit so well anymore. So I'm wearing tight boxers, tight pants, and a tight t-shirt. As a result, I actually look my weight today, which isn't nice. Walk past my mirror, hey, obese chick! Yeah, not cool. Usually the clothes I wear, just by virtue of being sensible, mean I look 10 - 20kg lighter than I am. Not so today. Not going out any further than the letterbox today.
Not that I need to.
Sam facebook messaged me, she said she's coming home tomorrow. She also said her phone got stolen, which really, really sucks. Who steals a phone from a fellow patient? Assholes, that's who. But if she does come home tomorrow, sweet. If not, then I'll visit her on Wednesday again.
I had a really painful abdomen for most of yesterday. I still don't know why, although I think the amount of fatty food I've ingested in the last 5 days may have something to do with it - I remember when I was 18 or so, I kept being in immense amounts of pain because my body couldn't handle what I was putting into it. Really need to start cooking proper meals. For which, I need a freezer that freezes. We're waiting for an opportunity to swap fridge-freezers. It'll happen, hopefully before Christmas.
I did all the cat related stuff - topped up their water, topped up their biscuits, cleaned out the litter tray and changed the litter. Now I just have to remember to give Cheeky some meat tonight.
I also should have a shower tonight. I've been delaying and delaying. It's not that I don't feel like showering, it's just that, as I said before, I don't really have many clean clothes to put on after the shower. Which is a minor dilemma. Leisa said we were going to get the waste-water pipe on Friday but that never happened, I guess she was really busy or forgot or something. But we're getting it SOON, at any rate, which will be really good. Hooray, clean clothes.
I've been having a huge amount of impulsive thoughts. Mostly motorway related. The only thing that's stopping me from doing something superbly dumb is the fact that I want my license back, and I know they're monitoring my behaviour quite carefully at the moment to determine whether I should be allowed it back or not. I'm a little bit worried though, what if I don't have the presence of mind to think about that and just fuck off? I definitely don't want to end up in hospital (not least because I owe the power jar some $30 - $50, bad Jess.), but the only other thing I can think of is I'd have to be taken somewhere where I have no idea where it is, and therefore no idea how to get to the motorway from there. But that would be difficult to achieve I guess. Because when you go to respite and stuff, I think it's supposed to be within your catchment area. Mind you, ICT's catchment is enormous.
And that's another thing. Spending money I shouldn't really spend. I guess I could almost start making a list of things at this point . . . but I don't want to consider that I might be unwell. Because I feel quite nice, and things are getting done, and I'm having a nice solo buzz here at home. I'm just a little worried, that's all. Don't want the mental health act, don't want hospital.
But I'm not stoned this morning. I figured I'd save it for this afternoon. I might go to the supermarket, I have $6 or so in coins. But I'll wear a loose jacket if I go out, my stomach is enormous at the moment and because I'm wearing old and tight clothes, there's nothing to reign it in.
I've decided I'm going to get 99 firemaking. It's going to be my first 99. I have 94 at the moment, and it looks achievable from where I'm standing at the moment. So any time I play RuneScape over the next few weeks (unless there's a bonus xp weekend), I will be firemaking. Go me.
And the reason for that paragraph was that a car drove past my window just as I was starting this blog entry, and I had a little minor panic.
I'm wearing clothes that are 100% clean. Except for the bra, but that's because I only really have one bra that fits at the moment. Only issue is, because I've been living here over a month without a washing machine (and have only been to the laundromat once), the only clothes that are truly clean are those which don't fit so well anymore. So I'm wearing tight boxers, tight pants, and a tight t-shirt. As a result, I actually look my weight today, which isn't nice. Walk past my mirror, hey, obese chick! Yeah, not cool. Usually the clothes I wear, just by virtue of being sensible, mean I look 10 - 20kg lighter than I am. Not so today. Not going out any further than the letterbox today.
Not that I need to.Sam facebook messaged me, she said she's coming home tomorrow. She also said her phone got stolen, which really, really sucks. Who steals a phone from a fellow patient? Assholes, that's who. But if she does come home tomorrow, sweet. If not, then I'll visit her on Wednesday again.
I had a really painful abdomen for most of yesterday. I still don't know why, although I think the amount of fatty food I've ingested in the last 5 days may have something to do with it - I remember when I was 18 or so, I kept being in immense amounts of pain because my body couldn't handle what I was putting into it. Really need to start cooking proper meals. For which, I need a freezer that freezes. We're waiting for an opportunity to swap fridge-freezers. It'll happen, hopefully before Christmas.
I did all the cat related stuff - topped up their water, topped up their biscuits, cleaned out the litter tray and changed the litter. Now I just have to remember to give Cheeky some meat tonight.
I also should have a shower tonight. I've been delaying and delaying. It's not that I don't feel like showering, it's just that, as I said before, I don't really have many clean clothes to put on after the shower. Which is a minor dilemma. Leisa said we were going to get the waste-water pipe on Friday but that never happened, I guess she was really busy or forgot or something. But we're getting it SOON, at any rate, which will be really good. Hooray, clean clothes.
I've been having a huge amount of impulsive thoughts. Mostly motorway related. The only thing that's stopping me from doing something superbly dumb is the fact that I want my license back, and I know they're monitoring my behaviour quite carefully at the moment to determine whether I should be allowed it back or not. I'm a little bit worried though, what if I don't have the presence of mind to think about that and just fuck off? I definitely don't want to end up in hospital (not least because I owe the power jar some $30 - $50, bad Jess.), but the only other thing I can think of is I'd have to be taken somewhere where I have no idea where it is, and therefore no idea how to get to the motorway from there. But that would be difficult to achieve I guess. Because when you go to respite and stuff, I think it's supposed to be within your catchment area. Mind you, ICT's catchment is enormous.
And that's another thing. Spending money I shouldn't really spend. I guess I could almost start making a list of things at this point . . . but I don't want to consider that I might be unwell. Because I feel quite nice, and things are getting done, and I'm having a nice solo buzz here at home. I'm just a little worried, that's all. Don't want the mental health act, don't want hospital.
But I'm not stoned this morning. I figured I'd save it for this afternoon. I might go to the supermarket, I have $6 or so in coins. But I'll wear a loose jacket if I go out, my stomach is enormous at the moment and because I'm wearing old and tight clothes, there's nothing to reign it in.
I've decided I'm going to get 99 firemaking. It's going to be my first 99. I have 94 at the moment, and it looks achievable from where I'm standing at the moment. So any time I play RuneScape over the next few weeks (unless there's a bonus xp weekend), I will be firemaking. Go me.
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