*nods head*

(*in time to the music in my head

So I went to court this morning. I turned up late but who gives a shit? As long as you turn up, they won't put out a warrant for you.

The outcome is this: my case has been adjourned for three weeks so I can get my hands on three things - one, my discharge summary from Middlemore ED following the night in shortstay on the 16th and release the following morning of the 17th, two, the paper putting me under a section 11 on the 17th, and three, a letter from ICT confirming that I am under their care.

The duty solicitor said that because I have no intention of completing the community work, it couldn't be solved quickly and simply today, and that I have to get that stuff, and she said something about forensic mental health. I've had the term "forensic mental health" bandied about around me in the past, although I'm not entirely sure what it means. I have a vague idea that it's something about being criminally unwell, but I don't know.

The duty solicitor also said that once we've done all that, the most likely outcome will probably be a bracelet. (You know, home detention or community detention or curfew, something like that.) She reckoned that they're not going to fine me or put me in prison. She talked to probation and probation doesn't want to cancel my community work order, so if things keep going the way they are, I'll just keep getting breached, which she thinks is ridiculous, but whatever.

So I'm not in prison or anything at the moment, I guess I'm at large again until September 21st, but I can, at least, attend my supervision appointment on Tuesday.

My flatmate's in hospital. She's informal and she's on an open ward, she said her voices got the better of her. It's really hard to watch, I have no idea what it's like to be schizophrenic so I also have no idea how to help her. Hopefully they'll be able to find a medication that can quiet the voices for her, and help her sleep and all that. I feel bad for her, hospital's a sucky place and you can't even smoke there which makes it quite stressful.

I think I might be borderline going up . . . based on the activities of the last few days. Light a fire yesterday, get down and dirty today, read til midnight, pop awake at 6am . . . don't feel tired, feel quite restless. Not settling to stuff as well as I usually do, getting bored quicker and fidgeting more. Wanting to cut just to see myself bleed, wanting to get stoned just because I like being stoned. Feeling like I'm fucking awesome, getting a new haircut and thinking quite frankly that I'm pretty damn sexy. And then, court working in my favour, again. Sometimes it feels like the world really IS mine to have. If I bought a lotto ticket this week, I'd probably win. Maybe not 1st division, but something.

And I don't want them to know. If they know, if they know I'm doing things like lighting fires, they'll try and take all my fun away from me, and I don't want that, I just want to cruise and enjoy this, as is my right, as a human being.

Anyway that's my ramble for the day, I'm gonna go put my pants back on lol.