The rest of today.

I received a phone call from WINZ. Miracle of miracles, it was actually GOOD news! Apparently all the right buttons have now been pushed, and I should get paid tomorrow. At which point I will need to check to make sure that part of my benefit is still being redirected in order to pay my rent. Just to make sure. Don't want my landlord to end up short or whatever.

Leisa came over. She said a lot of stuff. All stuff I've heard before, none stuff that I'm particularly interested in hearing again. She says the fact that I don't mind the thought of being in jail means I undervalue myself. She just doesn't understand my prerogative. Which is, amongst the unwillingness to do community work (jail time is preferable), in jail I'd probably lose weight. I got told that you get basically what you get in hospital, but less. Also, I'd have a lot of spare time, and I figure I'd fill that by either reading or working out. And being as I'd probably be spending most of my time in a cell, I'd get restless and work out. So it would be positive for my over-all physical health, which I am sure would in turn benefit my mental health.

She accused me of sabotaging myself. I don't. It just happens to be that being in trouble is so much easier than putting effort into things. And I have a real knack for getting in trouble. My criminal record doesn't really bother me, because there's no job I really want to do these days. I used to want to coach, but the stress of that got to be too much, and now I'm like meh, I'm happy with things the way they are, pretty much.

I reckon at some point I'm going to get the waste-of-potential speech from Leisa. Same old thing - "you're so intelligent, you're so talented, why don't you use it, blah blah blah". As if I haven't heard it from dozens of people before. I draw (and paint) when I fucking feel like it. Same with writing, with music, and with learning. When I want to do them, I do them. If I want to be good at something, then I work and make myself good at it. If I just plain don't give a shit (which sums up most of everything right now, except I have a rather large craving for sugary lollies), then nothing anybody can say will get through that. With the possible exception of Melodie, but I have pretty much nothing to do with her now that I've changed teams. So, what they need to realise, is that when I don't care, I genuinely don't give a rat's.

Also I was accused of hiding behind my beanie. First of all, I need a hair cut - this issue will most likely be remedied tomorrow. And secondly, it's August, nearly September, but it's still quite chilly, and I find that wearing a beanie helps me stay warm, in much the same way that socks prevent my toes from becoming frostbitten and falling off. And finally, I am of the opinion that I look good in a beanie.

She accused me of not "accepting" and not "taking". She says I will give but not take. Not true. Sam has given me heaps since we moved in together, and I've accepted it. But I guess Leisa doesn't see that. And it's fair, there has to be give AND take, so when I get paid, I want to get some stuff for Sam.

And I just don't like it when Leisa offers to do things for me because I JUST DON'T LIKE IT. I only met her a month ago, I barely know her. And also, I like my independence. I like doing things for myself, that I've paid for out of my own money, and organised in my own way. That's just how I am.

Oh, and in other news, I got 80 runecrafting and the Wicked Robe Top this morning. Go me.