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The reasons.
Posted July 13th 2012 at 09:28 AM by i_like_black
Doing it for me is the only way to do it right.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish.
Sometimes, you have to put your own needs first.
Sometimes, you have to ignore what everybody else thinks of you.
So, I've had trouble with medication before. That doesn't mean that the same thing has to happen this time. I've made a commitment to taking it. I'm setting up a routine around it, so that taking it becomes just a part of what I do before I go to bed. Things Melodie suggested that I haven't had the insight to implement until now.
I'm moving into the flat with Sam. I'm going to let my key worker know my decision on Monday, so that we can start organising it. I'm moving because it's what's best for ME. Too bad that my mother will be $60 out of pocket every week for the next 6 months, she's the one that ruins the environment, and she also doesn't want me here. So she can foot the bill for it. I'm not going to allow myself to feel guilty about it - it's not my fault. I didn't choose to struggle with my mental health any more than I chose to have small feet.
I'm going to recover, and sustain recovery, and I'm going to do it FOR ME. Sure, I'm going to still struggle sometimes, and I'm going to relapse sometimes - that's a normal and natural part of recovery. But the simple fact is, I'm too good at too much to continue to let this control my life.
I have a degree I want to finish. Music I want to write, art I want to create. I have fitness things I want to participate in.
This is probably sounding a bit arrogant. Too bad. I'm not just talk, I can back it up with talent and with facts.
Fact: everybody who has EVER seen my art has said it's good. Sometimes they are impressed enough to call it amazing.
Fact: everybody who's ever heard me play saxophone says I'm good. I also was top of Music at two different schools.
Fact: I have a gifted I.Q. and when I'm relatively well, learning comes easy to me - it's just a matter of application. My grades (generally a B+ or A- with not much effort) back this up. If I applied myself properly, I'm capable of an A GPA. I'm not cocky enough to say I could maintain an A+ GPA, I'm good, but I'm not that good across the board.
And I know what I want to achieve at the moment, even though I have no clear idea of where I'm going long term, and I'm still spending large parts of my day in a depression-induced fog. It's getting better though, I'm finding it easier to draw myself out of the fog in the last few days, and I'm sustaining concentration for upwards of 20 minutes. Any progress is good progress.
Yup.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish.
Sometimes, you have to put your own needs first.
Sometimes, you have to ignore what everybody else thinks of you.
So, I've had trouble with medication before. That doesn't mean that the same thing has to happen this time. I've made a commitment to taking it. I'm setting up a routine around it, so that taking it becomes just a part of what I do before I go to bed. Things Melodie suggested that I haven't had the insight to implement until now.
I'm moving into the flat with Sam. I'm going to let my key worker know my decision on Monday, so that we can start organising it. I'm moving because it's what's best for ME. Too bad that my mother will be $60 out of pocket every week for the next 6 months, she's the one that ruins the environment, and she also doesn't want me here. So she can foot the bill for it. I'm not going to allow myself to feel guilty about it - it's not my fault. I didn't choose to struggle with my mental health any more than I chose to have small feet.
I'm going to recover, and sustain recovery, and I'm going to do it FOR ME. Sure, I'm going to still struggle sometimes, and I'm going to relapse sometimes - that's a normal and natural part of recovery. But the simple fact is, I'm too good at too much to continue to let this control my life.
I have a degree I want to finish. Music I want to write, art I want to create. I have fitness things I want to participate in.
This is probably sounding a bit arrogant. Too bad. I'm not just talk, I can back it up with talent and with facts.
Fact: everybody who has EVER seen my art has said it's good. Sometimes they are impressed enough to call it amazing.
Fact: everybody who's ever heard me play saxophone says I'm good. I also was top of Music at two different schools.
Fact: I have a gifted I.Q. and when I'm relatively well, learning comes easy to me - it's just a matter of application. My grades (generally a B+ or A- with not much effort) back this up. If I applied myself properly, I'm capable of an A GPA. I'm not cocky enough to say I could maintain an A+ GPA, I'm good, but I'm not that good across the board.
And I know what I want to achieve at the moment, even though I have no clear idea of where I'm going long term, and I'm still spending large parts of my day in a depression-induced fog. It's getting better though, I'm finding it easier to draw myself out of the fog in the last few days, and I'm sustaining concentration for upwards of 20 minutes. Any progress is good progress.
Yup.
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