The truth is, it doesn't matter. (Triggering)

Almost did it last night. Then I was like, no, competition today.

Staying alive for one thing, and that one thing isn't even my cat? Pathetic.

I tried pulling a rope around my neck so that it cut off circulation to my head, but not my breathing. Based it on martial arts techniques I read about a while back. Got a mean head rush, but didn't fall unconscious or anything like that. Experimenting with how to organise a hanging that does the same thing. If I can cut off the blood flow, I don't need to asphyxiate. It's plan B.

Fantasized about slitting my throat. Realised I don't have anything sharp enough to do it properly, and would probably just spend the next few weeks walking around with people asking wtf is wrong with my neck. I could die really quickly if I found the right instrument to do it with, though.

I'm not mentioning plan A, because if I am successful, I don't want others using my method. I'm not here to offer other people advice on how to end their own lives. I'm just obsessed with ending mine.

I've reached the end of my road. There's nothing more for me out there, there's nothing more for me in my head. It's time for everything to end.