I have decided not to live. [Trigged death]

I don't want this anymore.
I am a lie.
I am a big FAKE.
I will never be able to redeem the old me.
So, I kept the lies there.
But they just kept getting bigger.
I am a slut, a skank, a whore, a slut, a bitch, a cunt, I am all the bad things in the world.
Nobody need to care anymore-as if they did.
I just want to die.
Death is so easy.
Life is nothing to me anymore.
I have decided not to live.
What is it worth?
Nothing.
I am just passing air, that wil eventually die anyway, I will save the Grim Reeper some work, and kill myself instead. This isn't just good-bye world. This is I can't stand you world.
I have been fighting and fighting and I dont think it is worth anything anymore.
If I keep fighting, I see myself just dying slowly anyway.

People always ask me why I don't sleep. One I told the truth to. Eskie, he asked me how I could not sleep. Why Eskie? Because the nightmares. I didn't tell you what they were though. They are different all the time, but thsy all repeat.

One of them is my floating in darkness, swarped in shadows. Except these aren't just shadows. These are lies. And they're covering me and I can't break free. They wrap around me, faster and faster. They sqeeuze me faster and faster. Until I can't breathe.

Then I wake up screaming. I never dare to fall asleep after I wake up once. These dreams get worse then that one. I always have these nightmare. But one month, I didn't have them, and that was when I was with Bryan, during our fourth year. Next year was supposed to be our 5th.

I don't miss him though. I still love him though. But I never want to be with again.
I have put myself out there for every guy wgo put themselves upon me. Because I believe I am so hidious that these guys are the only ones that will ever think I am pretty or hot, or will even just use me.
That is what makes me a slut.

Would everyone believe me if I said I was sorry?

No. No, they wouldn't. That is why it it is time to give in. To give up. To forget this world.
Maybe its all for the best.
Maybe Ill find something better in death.
I mean I want it so much, there has got to be some sychilogical thing to it right?


I love God? I pray to God, Lord, please. Please forgive this sin. Please Lord. I love you, I do not what else to do. I can only hope and put my faith you to save me Lord.

I love everyone. And I know it is wrong of me to leave. Why would I leave, if I love everyone? Simple, noone would really care if I left.

In fact people would expect this.