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Curse
Posted November 11th 2011 at 02:41 AM by Hopeyyy
I don't have a happy past.
Most the memories are full of tears and pain.
All you see me do is cry over them.
Everyone says to get over it.
It's the past. It should stay there.
Shouldn't it?
My past doesn't stay there. It isn't done with.
It is my future. It is my present.
I'll never get over the memories.
I didn't have a true father.
I still don't.
That's why I look for love in a boy.
Which is stupid I know.
So, I stopped after a broken love.
I like guys. But it won't amount to anything.
My life should be happiness now.
People look at it; say I am blessed.
I feel cursed.
I should be happy.
But I am not.
I am depressed and exhausted.
I am sad and unfunfilled.
I am broken and torn.
I am angry and raged.
I am lost and confused.
I am anything but happy.
It's not like I have a choice, though.
I can't be happy.
Not then.
Not now.
Not ever.
I just want my Lord to take it all away.
I just want my Lord to save me.
I just want to be able to have a real smile and not have to act completley insane just to wear a fake smile.
I am a good girl.
But that doesn't matter.
I am a bad girl.
But that doesn't matter either.
It is a curse!
A curse that I shall always be a failure!
That I will never suceed, that there is no point in trying!
And what do I do?
Nothing.
I give up fighting.
It's pointless.
I never win.
Nothing...
I give in.
Most the memories are full of tears and pain.
All you see me do is cry over them.
Everyone says to get over it.
It's the past. It should stay there.
Shouldn't it?
My past doesn't stay there. It isn't done with.
It is my future. It is my present.
I'll never get over the memories.
I didn't have a true father.
I still don't.
That's why I look for love in a boy.
Which is stupid I know.
So, I stopped after a broken love.
I like guys. But it won't amount to anything.
My life should be happiness now.
People look at it; say I am blessed.
I feel cursed.
I should be happy.
But I am not.
I am depressed and exhausted.
I am sad and unfunfilled.
I am broken and torn.
I am angry and raged.
I am lost and confused.
I am anything but happy.
It's not like I have a choice, though.
I can't be happy.
Not then.
Not now.
Not ever.
I just want my Lord to take it all away.
I just want my Lord to save me.
I just want to be able to have a real smile and not have to act completley insane just to wear a fake smile.
I am a good girl.
But that doesn't matter.
I am a bad girl.
But that doesn't matter either.
It is a curse!
A curse that I shall always be a failure!
That I will never suceed, that there is no point in trying!
And what do I do?
Nothing.
I give up fighting.
It's pointless.
I never win.
Nothing...
I give in.
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