Noone wants to hear.

Where is the hope that's in my name??
Did it run away? Run away so far, that it didn't even have to hide in order for itself not to be found?

I need to figure this out. Things are changing. I need to find out who I am. Where I am headed. What my goal is. It is hard to feel lost. But I am trying. Trying so hard.

My grades fell at the last minute. I had all As. Now there all Cs. I have a D in math. Because I failed one quiz. Just one. I m such a failure. I tried SO hard. But I have so much going on. & my grandparents aren't going to understand that. They'll take everything away. Everything. I won't be able to come on TH and help you all. That's another failure. I won't be able to email either. Another failure. What if someone kills themselves because I wasn't there? Fail. Fail.


Pushing it away. Further. Further. I don't want the reality anymore. They say to enjoy your teenage/kid years. People say they wish they had lived it fast & hard, and mircaulous, because they're now adults and it sucks. I don't think it's that way with me, no. I am certain of it. Sure, I have happy moments. But I just keep stressing, it isn't good. Nope. I am going to get through this, & not think about anything else, except for others & the smile on my face.

I wanted to talk about Nolan. I wanted to explain my feelings. Such a petty. No one wants to hear me go on & on & on about a "stupid" boy. That hapiness can't come from a boy. I wanted to talk about my friends. I wanted to explain how much they mean to me. Ha. Noone wants to hear me appreciate them. That friends can't bring courage & strength. I wanted to talk about family. As if. Noone wants to hear me say how my family hardly believes in me. That family can't give me a destiny or path to follow.

So, I am not going to talk about it. I'll just put away, lock it up. Forget it, that so much my head hurts. Well, for al of you that have found it in their hearts to read this whole thing. I love you, keep smiling, thank you.

-Hope ShyAnne