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Dentist
Posted March 25th 2013 at 08:08 PM by Hellbender
I'm going to dental surgery in 10 minutes.
I hate the dentists' office, but not as much as I hate hospitals.
I hate hospitals with a smoldering passion worthy of a cheesy paperback romcom from a corner store, the kind that you'd find betyween the toilet paper and the laxitive grahm crackers, that you'd initially buy becausethe intensely romantic sunset silhouette of two ridiculously sexy lovers embracing on a beach intrigued you, but after a few pages you realized how shitty romantic it was, so you hid it and made an excuse of a friend losing it whenever someone digs it u somehow.
That is how much I hate hospitals.
And needles.
I don't give half of my last fuck how they get their shitty meds in me, but if it involves any form of needle whatsoever then some poor bastard had better be really fucking willing to lose a fucking limb to me. I will fucking eat it. I will flip that shit. All that shit. Everywhere. Bloody limb spray on the shitty hospital walls like that section of 'cloverfeild' where that chick explodes. All that shit. EVERYWHERE.
In fact, I can personally garuntee that this valuable little life experience will be absolutely zero fun for absolutely everyone involved. Zero fun. No fun at all.
In fact, less that zero. Negative fun. The absolute lack of fun that this will be will actually negate from previous fun experiences, leaving all participants as sad little husks of sad and lonely like they fucking frenchied a Dementor.
Fuck. Everything.
Like a commandment from the whole fucking holy spirit.
"Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt all be fucked."
Because needles are the opposite of good things. They are barbaric creations spawned from the most greasy, infected, hemmorhaging corner of Satan's fucking colon. He himself will need a needle in order to remove the needle-infested tumor of pus and miserable. Oh, the medical ironic impossibility of it all.
Whatevs. Imma go get my shoes on.
I hate the dentists' office, but not as much as I hate hospitals.
I hate hospitals with a smoldering passion worthy of a cheesy paperback romcom from a corner store, the kind that you'd find betyween the toilet paper and the laxitive grahm crackers, that you'd initially buy becausethe intensely romantic sunset silhouette of two ridiculously sexy lovers embracing on a beach intrigued you, but after a few pages you realized how shitty romantic it was, so you hid it and made an excuse of a friend losing it whenever someone digs it u somehow.
That is how much I hate hospitals.
And needles.
I don't give half of my last fuck how they get their shitty meds in me, but if it involves any form of needle whatsoever then some poor bastard had better be really fucking willing to lose a fucking limb to me. I will fucking eat it. I will flip that shit. All that shit. Everywhere. Bloody limb spray on the shitty hospital walls like that section of 'cloverfeild' where that chick explodes. All that shit. EVERYWHERE.
In fact, I can personally garuntee that this valuable little life experience will be absolutely zero fun for absolutely everyone involved. Zero fun. No fun at all.
In fact, less that zero. Negative fun. The absolute lack of fun that this will be will actually negate from previous fun experiences, leaving all participants as sad little husks of sad and lonely like they fucking frenchied a Dementor.
Fuck. Everything.
Like a commandment from the whole fucking holy spirit.
"Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt all be fucked."
Because needles are the opposite of good things. They are barbaric creations spawned from the most greasy, infected, hemmorhaging corner of Satan's fucking colon. He himself will need a needle in order to remove the needle-infested tumor of pus and miserable. Oh, the medical ironic impossibility of it all.
Whatevs. Imma go get my shoes on.
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