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Weakness
Posted July 16th 2012 at 12:35 AM by gymnastxxLeah
the taste of morning spreads across my tongue as i lift my heavy eyes and light floods my brain.
But it's not morning. It's 6:30pm and i have been asleep for what feels like a lifetime.
The memories of earlier in the day rush back to my still-foggy mind. I know that i need to get up, so i do.
"whats for dinner?" Dad's voice booms.
i groan and grunt, implying that i'd much rather have nothing than go out. But we're in New York, and having nothing isn't an option.
half an hour later, we're finding seemingly boring options spread across a menu in a little pub-like restuarant. I'm obviously uninterested, but it seems my family has forgotten to see since my parents divorced.
I lift my wrist to the glass of water in front of me, my hand shaking and my arm weak. "Hmmm. too big? i think so. too small? how can they see such bones in this... fat?" i wonder to myself. I am weak. when i stand, black dots build on my eyes, blinding me and threatening to make me black out. When i lift each leg to walk, they threaten to collapse underneath me. I am so weak. But also so strong. I feel like with each pound lost... each calorie i avoid... I grow stronger. I can do anything. Which is why I can't stop until i am invincible.
But it's not morning. It's 6:30pm and i have been asleep for what feels like a lifetime.
The memories of earlier in the day rush back to my still-foggy mind. I know that i need to get up, so i do.
"whats for dinner?" Dad's voice booms.
i groan and grunt, implying that i'd much rather have nothing than go out. But we're in New York, and having nothing isn't an option.
half an hour later, we're finding seemingly boring options spread across a menu in a little pub-like restuarant. I'm obviously uninterested, but it seems my family has forgotten to see since my parents divorced.
I lift my wrist to the glass of water in front of me, my hand shaking and my arm weak. "Hmmm. too big? i think so. too small? how can they see such bones in this... fat?" i wonder to myself. I am weak. when i stand, black dots build on my eyes, blinding me and threatening to make me black out. When i lift each leg to walk, they threaten to collapse underneath me. I am so weak. But also so strong. I feel like with each pound lost... each calorie i avoid... I grow stronger. I can do anything. Which is why I can't stop until i am invincible.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Leahhh,
I just want you to know that your eating disorder is making you feel those things, that "strongness" that comes with being weak. Trust me, I know that feel is oh so amazing, but its fake. I can almost taste it....
It's not a genuine feeling. You can beat this Leah, I know you can.
Don't let your parents divorce bring you down. You can tell they're not noticing as much, but YOU notice. Which means you at least KNOW when your having problems again.
Just, Stay Strong and keep your chin up hun. <3
Shoot me a VM or PM if you wanna talk.
~paulaPosted July 16th 2012 at 04:56 AM by escape♥
