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Fragile. Handle with "care".
Posted July 21st 2012 at 11:09 PM by George^^
I feel like I'm going to crumble, that I'm going to blow away in the wind like dust. I'm so there at the moment. I'm just so so so so tired. I'm just ready to burry myself in the covers and never come out. Not to eat and not to talk.
I'm just so tired of being so different. I'm just so tired of never fitting in, never feeling like I belong. I just want to give up. Lock away everything and just pretend that it's all right, that I don't exist.
Like, now I have to deal with diabetes. Type two. I feel a bit failed, ashamed, and embarrassed. If you don't know the differences between type one and type two, I'll explain it. Type one is when your body does not make any insulin on it's own, and type two is the one where you either don't make enough or your body does not use it correctly because it's overweight or some other things.
I feel failed because my mother knew, from the moment that it was known that I was going to be born, that she had to be careful about that, because she has it and my grandpa had it!
I feel ashamed because here I am, fourteen years old, and I have this, and it's usually in adults.
I'm embarrassed because I can't hide it. I have to tell my teachers, my group leaders, everyone that "needs to know", and it's going to be obvious because of my needles and my pills and because I can only eat so much. It's going to be obvious because I can't drink normal pop or slushies, and that's what everyone at school drinks, not that I care too much.
Right now I'm just really worried about people realizing how worthless and troublesome I am, and they'll leave me. They'll leave me because I can't say what's right and I can't do what's right and I don't say what needs to be said or do what needs to be done. All I can do is screw up. Right now I just want to push everyone who I'm afraid of leaving me away so I know that they won't do that to me. Right now I just want to hear from people and have them tell me that it's not going to happen. Even if I know I don't think I'll work that out. I'm just so afraid that it hides the truth from me.
I'm just so tired of being so different. I'm just so tired of never fitting in, never feeling like I belong. I just want to give up. Lock away everything and just pretend that it's all right, that I don't exist.
Like, now I have to deal with diabetes. Type two. I feel a bit failed, ashamed, and embarrassed. If you don't know the differences between type one and type two, I'll explain it. Type one is when your body does not make any insulin on it's own, and type two is the one where you either don't make enough or your body does not use it correctly because it's overweight or some other things.
I feel failed because my mother knew, from the moment that it was known that I was going to be born, that she had to be careful about that, because she has it and my grandpa had it!
I feel ashamed because here I am, fourteen years old, and I have this, and it's usually in adults.
I'm embarrassed because I can't hide it. I have to tell my teachers, my group leaders, everyone that "needs to know", and it's going to be obvious because of my needles and my pills and because I can only eat so much. It's going to be obvious because I can't drink normal pop or slushies, and that's what everyone at school drinks, not that I care too much.
Right now I'm just really worried about people realizing how worthless and troublesome I am, and they'll leave me. They'll leave me because I can't say what's right and I can't do what's right and I don't say what needs to be said or do what needs to be done. All I can do is screw up. Right now I just want to push everyone who I'm afraid of leaving me away so I know that they won't do that to me. Right now I just want to hear from people and have them tell me that it's not going to happen. Even if I know I don't think I'll work that out. I'm just so afraid that it hides the truth from me.
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