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*dramatic sigh* Sort of a rant, more like a, oh gosh, what do I do? thing.
Posted July 16th 2012 at 12:20 AM by George^^
I'm quickly finding out that I do have triggers, mainly unavoidable ones, too. Like, people's usually offhand comments, someone telling me that there is something wrong with my appearance either something I'm personally not happy with or something I actually like, someone doubting me when I'm being true, my mother's nagging.
These are all ordinary things, nothing too bad, yet they send me reeling. They make me want to die. Sadly, I will almost never be able to avoid any of these. If my mom's mom is anything to go by, my mom might end up liking to complain a lot. (Not to offend my grandma, I love her, but I just need to get this out.)
Like, some of the most offhand comments have been the ones to make me really hurt, sometimes even days after, even when the person who said them forgot.
This one happened recently, it was over these photos I was taking on Photo Booth, making my eyes huge. I wasn't wearing my glasses and my friend makes a comment about how they don't look good because I have bags under my eyes, while I had thought that they were fine. I don't usually like anything about my body, about my looks, and then to have it ripped away by someone's stupid comment is both stupid and hurtful.
Another thing is when my friend's don't generally believe me. I came out as some sort of gender identity months and months ago to my friend, she still doubts me, so does my best friend, it seems. and that hurts.- It mostly bothered me when my mother does it to me. I don't talk about the things I want or am most of the time unless I know.
My mom nagged me earlier, and generally I feel like really hurting myself. I've just had a bit of that right now. It's just her town of voice, talking down to me and telling me how I'm not good enough. - It hurts to be told that your not good enough, and that's all I really am. Not good enough. I'm not good enough for my "friends", I'm not good enough for some of my teachers, I'm not good enough for my mother, I'm never ever good enough.
These are all ordinary things, nothing too bad, yet they send me reeling. They make me want to die. Sadly, I will almost never be able to avoid any of these. If my mom's mom is anything to go by, my mom might end up liking to complain a lot. (Not to offend my grandma, I love her, but I just need to get this out.)
Like, some of the most offhand comments have been the ones to make me really hurt, sometimes even days after, even when the person who said them forgot.
This one happened recently, it was over these photos I was taking on Photo Booth, making my eyes huge. I wasn't wearing my glasses and my friend makes a comment about how they don't look good because I have bags under my eyes, while I had thought that they were fine. I don't usually like anything about my body, about my looks, and then to have it ripped away by someone's stupid comment is both stupid and hurtful.
Another thing is when my friend's don't generally believe me. I came out as some sort of gender identity months and months ago to my friend, she still doubts me, so does my best friend, it seems. and that hurts.- It mostly bothered me when my mother does it to me. I don't talk about the things I want or am most of the time unless I know.
My mom nagged me earlier, and generally I feel like really hurting myself. I've just had a bit of that right now. It's just her town of voice, talking down to me and telling me how I'm not good enough. - It hurts to be told that your not good enough, and that's all I really am. Not good enough. I'm not good enough for my "friends", I'm not good enough for some of my teachers, I'm not good enough for my mother, I'm never ever good enough.
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