Never The Right Time To Come Out.

There is never going to be the right time to come out. My mom is away and I considered doing it, but she's coming back tomorrow and the place is nearby this town that has the slowest internet.

Sometimes it feels really hopeless. I was also considering it during summer camp, but I'm not going anymore (which is kind of a relief, actually.) And then the rest of the time this summer I'm not going to be able to get away from her to send her an email. I've decided that email works better than talking because I get tounge tied and my mother acts like all I am is a shallow child and she'll probably say just because I don't have the most girlish figure that it doesn't mean I'm not a girl... As if that's something I would base my whole assumption of my identity on.

And then there is the fact that she's just getting use to my queer-ness, even if she does think I'm bi when I'm pan.

I know of three times in the potential future where I'll be away and I could send the email. But at the same time those can't be used either. I might come out during the second youth conference like my friend Leon, but only if I can make sure that I'm rooming with someone who wouldn't mind, and hopefully I'll be rooming with my best friend and another close friend, who both already know. But my mom might be all over that because she always asks and then she'll talk to the S's who I don't know how to come out to yet. (The S's are the people who were kind of monitoring the last conferences, I like them to bits! Two women and one guy, and they're all really nice.... but I can trust them.)

And then the other one is my school trip. My "all girls" trip that includes me! I swear, when I signed up for it I hoped at least a few guys would be coming, and there was one, but he got kicked out for getting wasted at prom And coming out then might cause problems because my mom might email one of the teachers who are advisors and then my secret would be out, to people I consider friends, former enemies, people I barely know!

... Maybe I should just consider either never coming out or going through it all in Uni.