Ok, I plan to do a daily blog on how im feeling and whats going through my head at the moment/from throughout the day/or whats going on at home...Well, lately I've been really depressed between now and the end of May...and well, its not only because of me having depression, but because all of the tramatic stuff that has happened to me has happened in this time period...some of the tramatic stuff is, my grandma dying (i was really close to her), i was raped (multiple times), i was molested (guy that did it died last year), great-grandpa died (he was always funny), parents got close to divorce (in the past three months), and many more smaller things. I've never really "blogged" about this, but I was given the idea to do it. It kinda seems to be helping me a little to calm myself down. I have gotten to the stress point where I'm not always hungry, I have bad stomach pains, I cant sleep, and I can not focus on anything. Ever since my parents started fighting worse than they ever have before, my dad threatened to leave (even had a bag packed), my mom left for several hours (i think just driving around but who knows), my dad thinks my mom is cheating on him with a past boyfriend from highschool, my dad doesn't trust my mom because he really trusts her, he trusts her because he HAS to. My mom and I dont get along much (except right now for some reason) and with that part about right now, i think that my parents are like feeling like they either owe me and my sister something, or they are trying to bribe us into picking sides...Im not sure. Im afraid to be sure. I have so much anger, sadness, confusion, and many other feelings bottled up inside and I cant let them out...Ive had the urge to cry many times in the past few weeks, but I almost never cry, so its really hard to let emotions out...I dont know what exactly else to say...but this is my first blog for this...hope it was alright...
Wondering where to go...
Posted May 7th 2009 at 03:18 AM by fightingthebattle
idk where to go...i know im supposed to stay and live but idk if i am able to anymore...i stick out as long as i can and well, i dont think i can stick it out anymore...its way too stressful for me now...im only a teen...i shouldnt be struggling with all the stuff im struggling with right now...hmmm...i am struggling with wether or not to believe God really exists anymore to me or not...just tryin to think he is but its really hard to know he loves me and he really cares that i live a life for him or not...idk what to be doing anymore...sometimes i just want to let my fingers just type what they have to type and let out all my horrible feelings...idk...its really hard to be 14 almost 15 with parents yelling all the time and saying "SHUT UP!!!" all the time for absolutly nothing...why do i have to live with this? its hard enough trying to live with the stuff thats already happened to me...*sighs* idk what to do anymore...i need friends that will stick with my to the end...i need friends that will be willing to help me out even if that friend doesnt know what to say just to be there...i need a friend that is a true friend to me...
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Comments
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Im sorry your dealing with all this
I know what you mean about the God thing though
Its hard to feel so depressed and believe in God at times
but he is there, the connection just feels less close at these times
Well that is my take on it anyway
I hope things will get better for you soon stay strong
LaurenPosted May 7th 2009 at 08:28 AM by morethanuseless