I'm about 50000% done with this illness. My brain feels so foggy, my head hurts, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my stomach hurts, my digestion is messed up, I can barely walk, I have no temperature control, a messed up immune system, I'm so so so tired all of the time, I'm hyper sensitive to light and sound and smells and chemicals.

And it's so shitty that people don't even believe it's a real thing. At least my partners do, but I feel like such a burden. I want to help out more round...

I'm back. I've reapplied for staff. Think I'm gonna stay. I need support, and I need to help other people, to prove I'm worth something.

I've decided to come back to TH. I miss being here, I miss having online friends when things get tough and I don't want to see anyone in person, and I miss helping other people.

I'm also thinking of applying for staff again, because I loved being on staff.

Plus I need somewhere supportive to be to talk about my transition because things are really tough at the moment in that area of my life.

I really, really hate my body at the moment.
It's all wrong. It's too curvy, too girly, too short, not muscly enough.. I can't fix it either. I've been working out, I tried eating right, and I spiral back into binge eating because it makes me feel miserable. I'm never going to get taller. My feet aren't going to grow. Even if I transition I'll still probably not fucking pass because I'm tiny. Which sucks so much.
And at the moment my hair is too girly, my mum won't let me where masculine...

Cut my arm up. Want to overdose. Want to get better. Want to die. Want to cry. I hate this cycle.


I can't keep going.

I feel so alone :s I wish I had someone here just to hug me. :/ I feel so lonely and fat and sad.

I'm resigning. I'm giving up. I don't care any more. I can't do this. I might drop out of school. I don't know. I just want to leave everything behind.

I want to be happy.

Fuck this shit. I'm going to be happy.

I don't care about him. Let him do what he likes. I don't need him, I don't need the friends who aren't really friends and leave me for him and I don't need to listen to him.

I'm going back to school soon. And I'm going to get the best grades I can. I'm going to do writing. I'm going to apply for uni. I'm going to read good books. I'm going to go out with my friends. I'm going to get my ears pierced....

The title says it all. As much as I love Live Help, I just don't have the amount of time it takes to do it properly. But I love Help Link too so all is gooooood.

Watched Doctor Who today. It was very exciting. There are going to be dinosaurs in this series. Yay.

Also spent half the day with a girl I like. She's not interested in me, but she's a great friend. It's kinda bittersweet, but I love her being my friend.

I'm scared. So scared. I have to do running and climbing and everything tomorrow, on an empty stomach. Why? Because I have to. Because those are the rules. Because if I don't, I'll cut or OD. Because I'm a huge fuck up. Because I'm a mess. Because I'm fat.

Just tried to cut some scab off my foot because it wasn't perfect. Now my foot is bleeding. Why the fuck am I doing this to myself? Why are my fingernails bitten down and the skin torn off from my fingers? Why are there scabs on...