I managed to get up eventually. And I'm dressed. I might eat a rice cake. Nothing more or I'll feel sick.

I don't want to face people again.

Just let me stay on my own.

I might go have a bath. With some bubbles. The crappy ones which don't work very well but don't make me itch.

Then I'll go to bed. I don't care that it's early.I just want to be out of it. And the easiest way to acheive that is to sleep.

Why can't I just sleep forever? Why do I have to wake up?

I don't know how I'm going to get up in the morning.

I'd say I feel numb, but I also feel scared. That's the main feeling now. I'm scared. I'm scared...

I've finished the chapter for Hannah. I don't think I can do anything else today. Seriously, feel completely worn out.

I've done my best at helping people on the forum today. I've replied to a load of posts.

I want someone to help me. But not just in words. Not just talking. I need someone to physically be here.

But they're not.

I'm getting a headache.

I think I'll go sit on the bed. At least then I can pretend that I'm revising....

I'm going to get some writing done today. I don't care how much effort it takes. I'm going to type that chapter up for Hannah because I promised her it two weeks ago. And then I'll see if I can't get some more stuff typed and posted.

I've just got to keep doing things. If I keep doing things then I won't feel so alone. But it's so hard to keep doing things. I don't feel sad, I just feel nothing. I'm empty.

I guess I'm lucky that my family is quite strict in certain...

I want to sleep. So I'm finally getting to. I hope I get a good night tonight.

I haven't cut today, although I've wanted to.

I've done my history. That's an achievement.

I feel numb.

And I ate an ice cream. I couldn't really say no to it, it would have been a bit odd, and my boyfriend was watching me so I couldn't get rid of it.

I'll just have to make sure I don't eat much at dinner.

I want to go to sleep. I keep saying this. I just wish I could. Sleep forever and ever and never wake up.

I've barely eaten today. I'm worried about dinner. My mum's doing potatos and fish but I don't want to eat any. I can get away with hala potato but I have to eat the fish. I'm scared. I don't know how I'm going to eat it.

I want to cut again. I've printed out the list of alternatives and I'm going to try some.

My boyfriend said he'd come round but he hasn't yet. He's probably forgotten.

I want to go to sleep.

I've found my old diary.

So many suicide plans.

I think I need help.

I saw myself in the shower this morning. I tried holding my stomach in. Still made a body I didn't like, but perhaps that shape would make me happier. I've eaten a couple of rice cakes this morning, but they had chocolate spread on them. I should stop doing that.

I can get away with a minimal lunch today because it's Sunday and we just eat soup. If I eat the soup, then I can skip on bread and stuff.

Dinner is harder. Perhaps I can hide some of it? I don't know. I hate...

I want it to go away. I want to stop caring. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I hate living like this. I feel like I'm living a double life.

I had another rough night last night. I woke at about half one. Found it hard to get back to sleep. Woke again in the morning with a headache.

I'm going to have a shower. Then finish my homework, if I can motivate myself enough.