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Triggering: Freaking out
Posted August 30th 2012 at 11:13 PM by Evanesco
I'm scared. So scared. I have to do running and climbing and everything tomorrow, on an empty stomach. Why? Because I have to. Because those are the rules. Because if I don't, I'll cut or OD. Because I'm a huge fuck up. Because I'm a mess. Because I'm fat.
Just tried to cut some scab off my foot because it wasn't perfect. Now my foot is bleeding. Why the fuck am I doing this to myself? Why are my fingernails bitten down and the skin torn off from my fingers? Why are there scabs on my legs from where I've picked at myself? Why are there scars everywhere? My arms, my shoulders, my legs, my hips, my stomach, nowhere is safe.
Why does the scale dictate my day? Why do I wake myself up at 6:00 am to exercise? Why do I count the calories in everything I eat? Why am I so self absorbed, why do I care about my body so badly?
Why do I feel so fat, when I wear the same size clothes as my little, skinny sister? Why do I feel so fat when my jeans fall off me? Why do I feel so fat even though my stomach is rumbling? :s
Why do I hate myself so much?
Just tried to cut some scab off my foot because it wasn't perfect. Now my foot is bleeding. Why the fuck am I doing this to myself? Why are my fingernails bitten down and the skin torn off from my fingers? Why are there scabs on my legs from where I've picked at myself? Why are there scars everywhere? My arms, my shoulders, my legs, my hips, my stomach, nowhere is safe.
Why does the scale dictate my day? Why do I wake myself up at 6:00 am to exercise? Why do I count the calories in everything I eat? Why am I so self absorbed, why do I care about my body so badly?
Why do I feel so fat, when I wear the same size clothes as my little, skinny sister? Why do I feel so fat when my jeans fall off me? Why do I feel so fat even though my stomach is rumbling? :s
Why do I hate myself so much?
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