Can I stop being strong?

You know when you just don't want to go to sleep?

I don't want it to be tomorrow. I don't want my exams to be any closer. And I'm sick of trying to be strong.

I want to stay in bed all day. I want to curl up and hide from the world. I want to disappear.

I was feeling ill this morning (I still am) and my boyfriend said he'd look after me. But he didn't. He said he felt fine, it was my turn to be looked after, blah blah blah. And then we argued all day because he felt crap as well.

I want someone to look after me. I'm sick of trying. Of helping everyone, of looking after people, of pretending I feel fine. I'm just so tired.

I get up at half six 6/7 days a week. On a Sunday I don't lie in, I get up by 8. My sister was complaining of not getting a lie in. She's stupid. She gets so much more of a lie in than I do.

I'm just sick of carrying on.

I want to stay awake. I know that's counter productive, but I don't want to go to bed and then wake up in the morning and start all over.

And Ofsted are coming tomorrow, so I can't even write my story in my form class. I have to revise. Because we have to pretend we're so much better than we really are.

Perhaps I'll pretend I'm sick.

My mum will never let me stay off though.