Trig.

Stupid school health centre wasn't open.
Stupid day was shit.
Stupid stupid stupid.
I want to cut.
I can't.
Buut I want to.
I was happy earlier. After school, when my boyfriend walked me home and looked after me.
But he's gone now.
You know when you feel so empty and so worthless, you're not even sad. You don't feel sad or unhappy, you don't cry, you're not even angry. You're just numb.
That's me.
I'm trying to distract myself.
I want to cut.
Cutcutcutcutcut.
I want to see blood, I want to feel the pain. I want to feel something. Something strong.
Because even when he was round, every time I stopped laughing or smiling my mood completely dropped.
I think my arms are going to scar badly this time. Worse than my stomach did. So I shouldn't cut any more. I shouldn't mutilate myself any more.
But I have to. I don't know what to do. I have to.
Even if I hold off tonight, the feeling will still be there tomorrow.
Why do I have to cope? Why do I have to be strong? Why can't I just break down. If I broke down then I would get the help I need, but I can't. I can't let people see this side of me. I'm too stubborn.

I want to die.

I can't. It's selfish. I'm never selfish. I do the best for everyone. Even when it kills me.

And it's killing me now.