After a horrible weekend I wanted to go visit some of my friends. So Bill and Debbie let me go to my old neighborhood for awhile.
I was walking towards my friends house when someone called my name. I turn around and one of my exes was standing there. She asked how I was doing and we talked for a minute but I could tell she was nervous, So I asked her what was wrong.
I didn't like the answer.
(I had slept with her a couple months ago before we broke up) She told me she was...

Camp sucked.
The first day they asked our opions on the "gays". Everyone said either their going to hell, or their horrible people. When it was my turn I said I was bi. So then everyday during free time I had to read the bible (probably wasn't a good idea to tell them I was an athiest)
We also had a 2 hour swim everyday. The first day I sat on the dock, No problem. The second day Jordan (some idiot from camp) asked why I wasn't swimming, So I told him I couldn't swim....

I'm going to a summer camp thing for the weekend, Debbie wants me to be more social. It's called "Summer Sunshine Fun Camp" Jesus Christ, More like "Hell on Earth". I begged her not to make me go, But she said it would be good for me. So "I can make new friends". She's trying to kill me, I swear. Do they even let you smoke at summer camp ?
Oh and I was looking at the forums and She made a question about me:\ I wasn't sure wether I should say something or not....

Today was good and bad.
I went shopping with Blake and got Jamie a spiderman game for playstation2. (His birthday is in a couple days) I also applied at a couple places for a job. After we went shopping me and Blake took Jamie to the lake down the road. I brought my camera with me just to take pictures. I was hoping to post them. But I was standing on a rock trying to take a picture and clumsy ol' me slipped and fell in the water. Oh and I can't swim. There was a little old lady laughing...

My therapist told me I should have cut off connections with her because she's part of my "dark" past. (His words, not mine) It's times like these I really wish I would have listened. But I have to get past it, Jamie is watching my every move:\
I will admit I started smoking heavily now. I try not to around Jamie. It seems like my entire life revolves around someone else.
-When I was little all I did was try to please my dad.
-As I got older all I did was think about...

I don't get it. We were always together, she was always there for me. I thought she loved me. I really did.That just proves how blind I am. How stupid I really am.
This is one of the worst things that could have happened to me. So I guess I'm not going to quit sh-ing for awhile.
Usually during a breakup you think Fuck her, But I can't do that. I still love her. I'm overreacting, Theres plenty fish in the sea right? No, not for me.

I apologize for the rant. I'm just...

Today was amazing.
I went to Leda's house. It seems like its been so long since I saw her last. We went to the movies I almost cried when it was time to leave, but I'm allowed to visit her more often now. And she's allowed over.
And I told Jamie that I fell in a rose bush and got those scars. He almost cried, I feel bad about lying but its for the best. I played video games with him for awhile And he started to talk to Bill and Debbie a little !
I'm also trying to...

It's been a really good day : )
My foster parents (Bill and Debbie) have taken in another kid ! His name is Jamie, he's 5. So far he's not talking very much, only to me ! : ) Hopefully soon he will get more comfterable with everything. He doesn't know about me or my situation, and I'm going to keep it that way for a while.
I know this is going to sound stupid because I just met him, but I feel like he's my little brother, and I have to protect him from people like my real brother...

I'm at the hospital right now. Long story.
Anyways I feel bipolar or something because just as everything starts to get better, It comes crashing down. My foster parents are really worried, they don't know what to do with me. They pity me, I don't need them to pity me. I need them to leave me alone while I "settle".
And apparently the only way I can get past my "inner demons" towards my father is to confront him. Says my therapist.
No. Way.

I was told I should post this so here goes nothing. My fears:
-Clowns
-Spiders
-Heights
-Balloons
-Surgery
-Doctors
-Strangers
-Parties
-Old Men
-Public Washrooms
-Dogs
Those are my main fears. Theres more, They are all true:\