Theres one thing I don't understand. My friends tell me to stay strong, keep my head up, ect. But whats the point? I remember after one of my "attempts" my friends told me not to do that ever again, its not worth it. But whats one life going to do? Seriously though. Its not like I was going to do anything productive with my life anyways. I don't see the big deal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't care if someone comitts suicide. I actually spent awhile bawling my eyes out cause...

Everything was doing so good. But then I realized, The one person I trusted with everything doesn't give a fuck about me anymore. I don't know what to do. She literally knows everything about me, she got me to trust her, acted like she cared, and now when I need her, she's gone.
And Leda's pregnant, who knows who the father is but I'm an idiot so I'm going to end up babysitting the kid all the time and practically be its dad. I can see it happening.
Oh joy.

So far today has been really good. I met my little sister Ally for the first time, my parents gave her up when she was born. She is the cutest little kid. She has this moose thing and we played "dress up" with that for awhile. I'm trying to actually build a relationship with her because she is my sister. I didn't tell her about my brother or my dad, she's only nine.

I honestly thought I could be myself around you. I told you all my secrets, everything. I trusted you. But none of that matters anymore, Because you only love me when I'm doing what you want. It doesn't matter that I just got out of the hospital, You can't get someone to notice you. Of course you always come first.
I'm done. I'm fucking done.

So I'm moving in with my dad and my brother.
I'm fucked. :|

I really hate school. Today was the first day and I already got detention:P But it was for a really stupid reason, theres these 3 girls at my school and if your gay, bi, lesbian, ect they try to make your life hell. Anyways so me and Zane were walking by them minding our own business when they start telling us they hope we burn in hell and shit. (Zane's gay) I never really let them bother me but today I turned around kissed Zane and gave them the finger No big deal, but then the principal...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNOaV...eature=related


I cut again.

So Hailie's been really pissed off at me lately, The first time she spoken to me in 2 days was this morning to ask me if I could watch her baby sister Dani for an hour. Me trying to be a good friend said yes, Its now 12 hours later, She hasn't come back yet. I'm nervous to just put her to bed and leave her, cause I'm scared she roll of the bed or something. Dani has no bed, no carrying thing, nothing. Just some food and diapers. And the crying, She hasn't stopped in hours Me and Blake have to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrkgV5bl7kQ

I've been missing Jimmy a lot lately, especially since I decided on joining the reserves and such. Jimmy was killed on his 4th and final tour last year. He wasn't even supposed to be on the tour, He went in his friends place cause his friend had a baby on the way. He stepped on a IED.
I don't know, This song makes me sad and happy. If that makes sense. :\

I was talking to some of my friends and I realized something, If I keep doing what I'm doing now, I'm going nowhere in life. I've made a couple decisions. I'm not going to let my dad run my life, I'm not taking Leda back, and I'm going to try and quit smoking.
I was also thinking about my future, I decided when I turn 18 I want to join the army. My friends aren't too impressed, But honestly, I don't care anymore. I'm going to do what makes me happy. If that means joining the army, then...