Well, now I have a new collection of shiny new cuts
Blood even dripped onto my sheets so I need to change them before my mum sees, and hope she doesn't notice the fact that I changed them. It was also deeper than I've been before, which worries me a little as it didn't feel different...

Turns out, my mums friend has a son about the same height as me with a monkey onesie. Apparently I should be thrilled, when what I actually want to do is scream at my mum DONT YOU KNOW ME AT ALL????
So now I have to go into school feeling even more self conscious than usual, then parade myself around in public for several hours.
I think im going to break when I get home tomorrow. Resetting that ticker after 3 days will not be good...

I hate my mouth. So much that I dont eat in public, try not to smile, and put my hand in front of my mouth if I laugh.
I dont eat breakfast any more, nor lunch because of the whole public thing, so I eat one meal a day. Its half six now and I haven't eaten since 6 yesterday. Im really hungry, but I dont want to eat. What I really want to do is cut, but I promised myself I wouldn't.

Ive got "Dont let nan down" scrawled across my thigh. It was a bit difficult to write from where I'm still healing from last time, but I have found it useful.
My nan is the only person on earth I feel really understands me. I still haven't told anyone, but if I did she would be the first. I know she struggled with depression, so she would get how I feel.
If I cut now, it would be an insult to her, and I respect her way too much to do that. Sitting here writing I can slowly...

Great. Went to pick up my fucking stupid costume for a fancy dress charity thing my school are doing. And I left my fucking card at home. Tomorrow. And I cant ask my mum to come and help out because my card is in my fucking jeans, which by some sick twist of fate, is also where I left that stupid depressing story I wrote which I have been panicking all day about anyway. Isn't that just the fucking best. The shop closes in about 20 minutes, so I cant go home and come back. FUUUUUUUUCK.
I'm...

I'm really disappointed about that, read what I posted before and its a load of self pitying attention seeking bullshit

I'd heard of Amanda Todd before, but I never really knew her story. I am on the verge of tears. I want nothing more than to give her a hug.
But along with this desperate compassion, I'm so angry. There is a burning rage at the people that made this girl, this poor girl, take her own life. I saw the teens react for it as well. People don't understand when they say "tell your parents, it WILL help" or "It DOES get better". It probably will help, it probably will get better....

Got back from school :/ I decided to make this blog because its a place to basically to whinge and moan about my life without annoying anyone.

No cigarettes today I can't now, my mum is home. I'm glad to say I'm genuinely not addicted, but just do it occasionally for the release. Its a disgusting habit, I know, but it calms me down. Plus, there are no scars on the outside.

My insecurities are really getting me down. Even half way through a conversation with people...