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2 weeks SH free? Good luck... *wall o' text*trig*
Posted January 7th 2014 at 10:52 PM by DanTheMan :P
Updated January 8th 2014 at 07:40 AM by DanTheMan :P
Updated January 8th 2014 at 07:40 AM by DanTheMan :P
I just don't get some people.
There are these 2 people that get my bus sometimes. I hate them. One of them in the year below. The other one is in my year, and he self-harms. I'm honestly not being horrible or anything, but I'm 99% sure its for attention. He's the only person in my year who *openly* self-harms, but whenever he does he either wears short sleeved clothes, or rolls up long sleeves (always on arms), even when its freezing. He then goes on and on about it. Like, non stop.
Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent, big surprise. So, sitting on a bus with these 2 and someone we used to go to school with, on the way home. Unsurprisingly when these 2 are about, the topic of girls, girlfriends and sex comes up. The person we knew had earphones in and was staring out of the window. The person in the year below says "ugh I'm so sexually frustrated" then in a stage whisper to the other person, really patronisingly "its not as bad as Dan though. God, imagine that" etc etc etc.
Neither of these 2 are great looking, but just the "popular" kids i.e. shallow SOB's who rate their passage through life by the number of twitter followers they have.
Anyway, the other person goes "but haven't you seen Dans girlfriend?"
He knows full well I don't have a girlfriend.
The first one says "What, really?"
By this time I've turned around, and my 2 main defences come out; self-deprecation and sarcasm. Voice dripping in sarcasm, I reply "yeah, I've definitely got a girlfriend. Can you honestly imagine me asking someone out?"
Second person: "But what about *****?"
***** happens to be a person I do like. However, I'd sooner rip out my tongue than ask her out. Anyways, I just say "Oh yeah, definitely", then turn back around.
Ah, if only they would leave me alone there. But no. Instead I get (unbelievably patronisingly) "Dan, its ok to like a girl you know".
Face them again (I know I shouldn't rise to it but I'm stupid), face burning and stretching the elastic band around my wrist to breaking point where they can't see, and respond with "believe it or not, I do actually know that, although thanks for the heads up. Like is said though, imagine me asking someone out? I'm not that retarded"
And then my stop arrived. Oh thank god.
Believe me, I more than anyone am aware of my faults, inadequacies and appearance like something out of a horror movie.
Which, leading on to my next point, is also why I'm eating less and less. Breakfast I skip if I can, and if my mum is up I just slip it to the dog, lunch I skip altogether every day, but dinner I do generally eat, because my mum normally does it. If its up to me though its enough to stop my stomach from groaning too loudly. Whenever someone comments on the fact I'm never eating at lunch other people are, I've just turned it into a joke. I just say I'm a breatharianist; people that claim they can live on just nutrients from the air/sunlight. Its quite helpful that people eat at different times - free periods, break, lunch, so everyone assumes I ate at a different time. Whenever someone is passing food around like, say, pringles, and I turn it down, someone normally goes "oh yeah, you don't eat" (in a friendly way), and I just laugh it off.
Just the thought of biting something, in public, with other people around, just fills me with self loathing. Exposing my teeth and whatever in front of other people just isn't going to happen.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, after today I still didn't self harm
Thats one good thing I guess
Anyway, this wall of text should help you sleep!
Ah well...
There are these 2 people that get my bus sometimes. I hate them. One of them in the year below. The other one is in my year, and he self-harms. I'm honestly not being horrible or anything, but I'm 99% sure its for attention. He's the only person in my year who *openly* self-harms, but whenever he does he either wears short sleeved clothes, or rolls up long sleeves (always on arms), even when its freezing. He then goes on and on about it. Like, non stop.
Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent, big surprise. So, sitting on a bus with these 2 and someone we used to go to school with, on the way home. Unsurprisingly when these 2 are about, the topic of girls, girlfriends and sex comes up. The person we knew had earphones in and was staring out of the window. The person in the year below says "ugh I'm so sexually frustrated" then in a stage whisper to the other person, really patronisingly "its not as bad as Dan though. God, imagine that" etc etc etc.
Neither of these 2 are great looking, but just the "popular" kids i.e. shallow SOB's who rate their passage through life by the number of twitter followers they have.
Anyway, the other person goes "but haven't you seen Dans girlfriend?"
He knows full well I don't have a girlfriend.
The first one says "What, really?"
By this time I've turned around, and my 2 main defences come out; self-deprecation and sarcasm. Voice dripping in sarcasm, I reply "yeah, I've definitely got a girlfriend. Can you honestly imagine me asking someone out?"
Second person: "But what about *****?"
***** happens to be a person I do like. However, I'd sooner rip out my tongue than ask her out. Anyways, I just say "Oh yeah, definitely", then turn back around.
Ah, if only they would leave me alone there. But no. Instead I get (unbelievably patronisingly) "Dan, its ok to like a girl you know".
Face them again (I know I shouldn't rise to it but I'm stupid), face burning and stretching the elastic band around my wrist to breaking point where they can't see, and respond with "believe it or not, I do actually know that, although thanks for the heads up. Like is said though, imagine me asking someone out? I'm not that retarded"
And then my stop arrived. Oh thank god.
Believe me, I more than anyone am aware of my faults, inadequacies and appearance like something out of a horror movie.
Which, leading on to my next point, is also why I'm eating less and less. Breakfast I skip if I can, and if my mum is up I just slip it to the dog, lunch I skip altogether every day, but dinner I do generally eat, because my mum normally does it. If its up to me though its enough to stop my stomach from groaning too loudly. Whenever someone comments on the fact I'm never eating at lunch other people are, I've just turned it into a joke. I just say I'm a breatharianist; people that claim they can live on just nutrients from the air/sunlight. Its quite helpful that people eat at different times - free periods, break, lunch, so everyone assumes I ate at a different time. Whenever someone is passing food around like, say, pringles, and I turn it down, someone normally goes "oh yeah, you don't eat" (in a friendly way), and I just laugh it off.
Just the thought of biting something, in public, with other people around, just fills me with self loathing. Exposing my teeth and whatever in front of other people just isn't going to happen.
Anyway, the moral of the story is, after today I still didn't self harm
Thats one good thing I guess
Anyway, this wall of text should help you sleep!
Ah well...
