Stop It (Trig?)

I woke up this morning thinking about suicide. All I could think of was ways to make it look like an accident. I didn't say anything though. Instead I went to school and acted like nothing was wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep hiding it and acting like nothing's wrong when all I want to do is cry. I just want one person to ask if I'm okay and stop assuming that just because I'm smiling there's nothing wrong. I just wish that I felt happy. I blame myself for not being happy. All my friends say that it's a choice like choosing where you wanna sit or what you wanna wear. It's not like that for me, if I had a choice I would be happy not like this. I don't call it depression. I don't know why, I guess it's because I don't wanna go around telling people I have depression when all it is is me being sad a mopey. Oh well that's all I feel today.