Crumble

I feel like this is the only place I can be heard. The only place someone actually cares. The only place I tell the truth about myself. I have no secrets on here it's 100% me. It's crazy that I can tell every secret to people I don't even know, but when it comes to my family and friends I can't talk. I told my mom the the ground is crumbling today; she just looked at me like I was stupid. She didn't understand the metaphor. The ground= my life, it's crumbling and eventually there will be nothing left. But I did do something sorta inspirational today. I made myself smile =). I spray painted a picture (I attached a picture; not sure how to put it in the text yet). It helped for a while then it made me mad because I knew I would never be able to honestly smile. It just seems like no matter what I do my happiness is only temporary. I don't even try at it anymore. I just let it come, but I don't let it get me to high because I hate crashing. I guess being sad is better than feeling nothing, right? I don't know I just need help understanding myself.

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