Lose me (Trig)

Every high has an equal low. I didn't believe it until today. Someone told me that I was bad at one of the ONLY things that kept me happy. Another failure in my life. After an amazing day yesterday I got in an argument with a teacher. Why? For standing up for myself when he told me I was bad at the violin. Fuck you. I was so pissed all day. There was my low. I didn't even eat today. Not like I eat any other day, but I was going to today. Everyone thinks me not eating is a joke. It's really not, you call me fat so I try to impress you. I guess it worked; everyone notices my "drastic weight loss". The only bad part (besides the dizziness and exhaustion) is that I'm not supposed to be losing weight. Yup I'm not allowed to lose anymore weight until after May. Ha sorry mom. I feel like I was put on this planet to fail. Nothing more. I just can't do it anymore. It's harder then before. More complicated, and I'm learning less. Losing strength and drained. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm not meant to be saved. I don't deserve it, and don't try to tell me different. I live in a place where I'm constantly wrong about something. My eating habits? Wrong. My school work? Wrong. Social life? Really wrong. Sexuality? So fuckin wrong there's no way to make it right. I'm worse then everyone else, and I can't fix it. Everyone would just be better off if I left. If I decided to take the rest of the pills who would care? If I wanted to cut a little deeper who would notice? If I wanted to fall off the face of the Earth who would pull me back and tell me everything will be okay? Then I think, do I want any of that? I don't know I just wanna be lost. Never found; just lost.