When You Know To Say Goodbye

It's been a very long time I have been on this site or even posted anything on my blog for that matter. So much has happened since I've been inactive, but I will be talking about a recent experience that happened. No, this isn't about another girl (in fact, my love life has been going extremely well), but more so a former close friend of mine. I never thought it would come down to this between me and him, but it seems that with everything he's done and the fact he doesn't want to change, he's left me no choice...

Jon was a good friend, probably more so than Robert, but it's just a shame how it had to end.

Summer of 2015, I met Jon through a friend of mine named Philip (who I am still very good friends with to this day). At first, I thought this was just going to be another person in my life that I just know but not really get close to. I remember the first day I met Jon, we were all training martial arts together. Having not known anything at the time, my friend Philip threw me into sparring with another acquaintance we had over, and since I had no real training with basics of punching and kicking as well as other things, I injured my right shin as a result. I remember seeing the look on Jon's face, and I would find out later from Jon that he got really upset with Philip for this. That wasn't the only thing that happened on the first day...

I got the chance to meet Jon's sister and a cousin of his. We all went together to have dinner after we wrapped up training. It was quite the night I will say. I got to know Jon better that day, and I found myself interacting with him more so than the other people surrounding us. It would also be that same night where his sister got drunk and wanted to drive all of us home. Mostly Jon and his sister got into an argument about it for over half an hour, and finally, Philip took the initiative to drive all of us home using the car we came in.

Jon, me and his cousin were all crammed in the back, with Philip in the driver's seat, and Jon's sister beside him, being all tipsy and out of control. From what I could see with Jon, I could tell he was not in a good mood. I felt bad for him, and because of this, I told Philip to pull up somewhere for a few minutes for all of us to take a breather. This would also be the time where I got to discuss things one on one with Jon about his sister and his frustrations. He told me a whole chunk saying his sister was always the one to show off, especially when it came to frat-style parties, and she just had a lack of responsibility. He also told me that the car we all came in was, in fact, his car too. So if anything bad happened to it, not only his sister would be to blame, but he would too.

I sympathized with him, and I understood why he was feeling the way he was. Then afterward, I gave him my number in case he ever wanted to talk to me or hang out sometime.

This was the beginning of what I thought about the time of the start of a lifelong friendship.

Getting to hang out with him was difficult at first, but I didn't make a huge deal about it. Eventually, after a month later after the first day we met, I got to see him again, and we would always be training various forms of martial arts from kickboxing to jiu-jitsu to krav-maga. He knew a lot, and he would tell me that he's had over 12 years of experience. Me, I've only had a few years of experience with Aikido, so learning from him only strengthened my skill sets.

Our meetups turned from training only to training and hanging out more often. We both learned a lot about each other, and I felt that maybe this is someone that I could see as a close friend, a trusted ally.

Fast forward a bit, he did eventually tag along with me in my cosplay crusade. At first, he thought my intentions were to only look cool and show off, but after telling him more about why I do what I do, he realized that my intentions were pure at heart and that there is a purpose about why I am out there on my cosplay crusade. So, on April of 2016, he tagged along with me as my very first Robin when we made our first appearance at a Relay for Life charity event.

I will admit though: I had never thought about taking on a sidekick as Batman, and at the time that he joined, I thought to myself that he really has earned a place at my side as a trusted friend. We went on many adventures together, and he would tell me he loved every single bit of it.

However, things started to change between me and him...as Philip put it, our views, morals, and values differed between Jon and me.

While there were many likable things about Jon, there was one thing that he wasn't very good at, and that is integrity. In other words, having a word of honor and meaning it. There were several times where we made plans with each other, get all excited about it, and then at the very last minute, Jon would pull the plug and tell me he couldn't do it because of XYZ things. Now, a lot of the times he bailed on me and told me the reason why he did, it would be really vague answers a majority of the time.

So I did what any decent, reasonable person would do, and I confronted him about this issue he had. Don't get me wrong, this has happened way too many times than what I can count on my fingers. Every time we had this talk, we would spend anywhere from an hour to maybe even about six hours talking over the phone, talking things through with each other.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt every time, even when he wasn't there for me when I needed him the most. For over two years that I've been his friend and considered him my close friend, I thought eventually he would realize the error of his ways, come to his senses, and make it right. I thought that he really cared about our friendship and that he really wanted to make things right.

I was wrong...

As more time passed, he stopped tagging along with me to any cosplay events I invited him to, and that also included hanging out. Sometimes, when I would invite him to an event or hang out, he'll say something like "I don't know man, I'll get back to you on that," "For sure man, definitely" "I can go to that" "Yeah, I can make it" and the list goes on and on and on.

What I've never really understood from the duration of the time I've been his friend is why he can't just tell me "no." I've even included this in one of our talks when he screwed up again, and he couldn't even tell me a straight answer. Vaguely put, all he can say is sorry when he screws up and if he does something wrong again, all he can say is sorry and nothing else...I guess he just sucks at saying "no."

I started thinking he didn't really care about our friendship as much as I did...I mean, eventually during the time I was still friends with him, I would find him talking more just about himself, and he can go on for hours and hours about himself and only reciprocate the favor to me very little.

Something changed...

For one, he has admitted to me that he has a very bad temper and can't control it. Also, he mentioned to me and told me stories of how he's been bullied throughout most of his school life. Now that he is officially an adult, he can do whatever he wants. I find that Jon likes starting up shitstorms over Facebook, and for some reason, he's really obsessive with posting so much. He posts on Facebook every single day. Not a single day I have seen where he doesn't post anything. I've seen him have so many arguments with people in the comments section on some of his posts, and from how he responds back to them, he really has that "I don't give a shit" attitude, always making it look like he wants to fight all the time.

So...what made me end things with him? Well...two things: the ditching and bailing last minute jazz was getting really tiring for me, and that he doesn't value our friendship as much as I do.

Way back in April, I had planned with him a charity event appearance as the dynamic duo, and of course, he would keep telling he'll definitely be there, he's down to go, he wouldn't miss it for the world, etc. However, he never made it. He made his own plans, not taking into consideration that I had not only asked him for his time first but also he already agreed to go with me. I got really angry, but also really sad because everyone who was at the charity event (I still went as Batman) was asking me where Jon (Robin) was, and I didn't have the heart to say that he just found bigger and better things to do...

We didn't talk for 3 months after that. Then, he calls me up out of the blue one night, we spent 6 hours talking, and Jon tells me how sorry he is and that he wants me back as his friend. So, having felt bad and me always being the forgiving kind, I forgave him and became his close friend again.

Then, a few weeks later, the ditching and bailing last minute jazz started again...and I had enough of it.

Jon has talked about going on all these trips (he's up in Germany right now as I'm typing this), he's heavily focused on his band gigs, Facebook apparently matters to him more, martial arts training, and he's finding all these opportunities that he thinks he will get rich like real fast.

He's got his own agenda, and I just feel like I am not a part of it. So, having gotten tired of his ditching and bailing and his lame ass excuses, I chose to go out and do the cosplay events on my own. There was one that I had a few weeks ago where Jon got really pissed off at me for not getting back to him about. I didn't want to risk being late to the event as I had already planned everything out with the people who were expecting me, and I didn't wait for Jon only to anticipate that he's going to bail last minute and give me a really vague, lame ass excuse again.

I remember getting 35 text messages from him basically telling me how much of an ass and a piece of shit I was for not getting back to him, he even told me to "have some damn respect for your friends," then he brings up all the drama about how he's been so nice to everybody, yet he's the one always getting fucked over.

Well boohoo Jon, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FELT ALL THOSE TIMES YOU'VE PULLED THE LAST MINUTE BAILOUT JAZZ ON ME!!

Then, he sends me a very long text a few nights later, and basically telling me how "sorry he was, he still wants to be my friend, and that he'll take the opportunity to hang out or go to a cosplay event with me in a heartbeat."

This bailout jazz is never going to stop with him. He has to realize that not everything can be fixed with a "sorry" for every time he screws up when he clearly promises to never do the one thing that pisses you off.

Is "sorry" going to yield value to someone you killed on the road out of your own carelessness, and you think that's going to solve everything to the family that can no longer see that person alive ever again?

Is "sorry" going to make it up to your girlfriend for all the empty promises you made her, and then the one time you're finally there, she walks out on you?

Also, friendships are a two-way street, not about "convenience" or "when you feel like it" or "swooping in, saving the day and going back to being an asshole."

Then I realize: I can't save him. I can't change him. That's who he is. As much as I hate to admit it, he's become this antisocial, harsh personal being who only cares nothing but himself now.

And I guess that's the difference between me and him. I'm always going to be the better person and make the right choice because I am a good man at heart. But Jon? He's adopted his former aggressor's behaviors, and whether he changes at all or not, there's this angry being that he's become, driving out the decent person that was once inside him.

He left me no choice. I texted him back the long response, saying everything that needed to be said, forgiving him for everything, but ending our friendship right then and there.

It wasn't what I wanted, but it was necessary. I knew deep down that he isn't going to change. Throughout the two years, I've been his friend, and talking through these conflicts have changed very little to nothing of Jon at all.

It saddens me knowing I've lost another friend, but now I think that maybe I was never a close friend, to begin with. Maybe at one point in our friendship, but now, no longer.

Even as I'm typing this, I do miss him. I wish he would change, but deep down, I know this isn't possible. I've waited and waited, but nope, he's not changing, at least anytime soon anyway.

I don't know. I can only hope one day he will change, but he may stay the way he is the rest of his life. Some people just stay being a jackass the rest of their life, and they're okay with that.

But why does it matter anymore?

I guess, by the time he finally realizes what he lost, it'll be too late...

But I must keep moving on, as hard as it is for me to do.

Who knows? Maybe I may find a better friend than Jon ever was.

Maybe...

Only time will tell...