What Used to Be...

I'm not sure how to feel about this. Sometimes, even I can feel a bit insecure with myself. Ever since I was a child and knew who bullies were, all I ever wanted to do was stand up to them with courage and the belief of doing what was right in the name of good, even if I ended up going down with a fight. Today marks the end of a "friendship" that never even existed in the first place. This guy who I used to call my friend is Ethan, and he could've been a great guy to be around, but I am saddened that I finally saw him for what he really is: an immature, arrogant bully.

I first met Ethan during my first semester of college in my English class. My first impressions of him were that he seemed like a pretty cool guy to be around. As we started talking more in class and after, I got to know him a bit more. He was this 25-year old guy who took some time off of school to travel after graduating from high school, and right when he got to his current age, he decided to go back to school and eventually finish so that he could start doing something with his life. We had a common interest in liking superheroes, and I felt comfortable with calling this guy my friend. However, things started going a different direction, one in which that would only make us end up on different sides.

Six months ago, Ethan asked me for money because he needed help with paying for his car insurance. I was hesitant at first to give him money, but seeing as how he was being kind to me and feeling bad for him, I let him borrow money from me. Then, after that, we were talking about cosplaying and how he wanted to cosplay as Nightwing (for those of you who don't know, Nightwing is one of Batman's allies in the comics). I offered to make him his costume, and so I did. It took me some time, but I finally put it together in the nick of time. When I gave it to him, Ethan was filled with joy and he told me that he will pay me back for the costume and the money I let him borrow from me on his car insurance payment when he gets the chance (the money was quite a lot, but I won't give an exact amount of how much he owed me; all I can tell you is that it was way more than $50). After making his cosplay outfit, I offered him to accompany me at a parade event where it was superhero-themed. He told me he would give it some thought, and he would let me know.

Though, he never did let me know. When the day came for that event, two days before I texted him to let me know if he was showing up or not. I did not receive a response from him at all, even on the day of the event. I was very upset with him. Not only he didn't show up, but also he didn't bother to call or text me if he was going or not. Ethan did this to me so many times before too when I invited him to hang out, and he didn't even apologize. A few days later, I texted him saying that next time, he has to let me know if he can't hang out or not rather than ignore me. Ethan still didn't respond. To make matters worse, he didn't pay me back the money he borrowed from me, not even a 1/4 of it.

January rolls around and after going a couple of months without a job, Ethan finally got one. Ethan texted me about this and said he was going to start paying me back in increments. I held him accountable by his word, but then that's when I realized I had made a mistake. March was already here, and not even part of the amount he owes me was paid off. I texted him to start paying me back now, and he told me that he'll pay me back some of the amount when he gets paid. He didn't give me an exact date, so I got really upset. I told him to start paying me back because it's already been half a year I waited for him to pay me back, and I let him know he's lagging on this. We ended up talking about it over the phone, and it turned out to be a hateful conversation. Ethan started accusing me that I was demanding money from him, I stopped talking to him, and he started calling me "a dick." This was absolutely bullshit. First of all, I don't text him everyday, but I do from time to time even after the first semester ended. He never answered any of my messages, and I was beginning to question if not only he was going to pay me back the money he owes me, but also if he was even being a friend. I yelled at him because I was in beyond disbelief with his jackass attitude. Who are you to tell me that I'm demanding money from you when it's not YOUR money I'm asking for? I'm asking you to pay back MY money that I let you borrow. Then, it came down to him telling me he'll start paying me back on the 30th of March.

Two days later, Ethan texts me saying that he wants to hang out and talk about things. I let him know that unless he has the money to pay me back, there was nothing to talk about. He basically told me that he was upset that he hasn't been a good friend to me and wanted to make it up to me by starting with "being a man" and apologizing about his attitude and how he's treated me. I didn't believe him because everything that happened between Ethan and I couldn't be fixed by simply saying sorry. Then, when I brought up the money matter again, he starts getting angry with me and tells me not to make threats to him. What the hell? Who does he think he is to assume I'm making a threat to him when it's not meant to be a threat? If he payed back the amount he owes me earlier, none of this would be happening. Ethan tells me he can't pay me on March 30th because of work and he has a lot of bills to pay. I got pissed off with him and told him that he can't just be pushing off the date to a later time. What he owes me is way past due. So he offers to pay me the full amount by April 15th. I had no choice but to accept that. Then, Ethan said to me that "I'm not going to beg you to be my friend. I already said sorry, and however you want to take it is up to you." In response I said to him "If you really mean it, THEN PROVE IT." Ethan said thank you for granting the date a bit longer, and he told me that if I ever felt like talking to him before that, just let him know.

I didn't talk to him for half a month since that text conversation and didn't even bother him. During the week of April 15th, Ethan texted me again and we both planned out where we wanted to meet in the college on April 15th to arrange the money matter. We worked it out, and I felt like it was all set with no problems. Tuesday morning, April 14th comes around, then he asks me if he can just pay me back half on the 15th and then the other half on the 24th. I told him I can't give him anymore options, and that the full amount had to be payed by the next day. Ethan becomes a douchebag about it and tells me that he will pay me half the next day and the other half on the 24th due to a lot of bills he has to pay. He tells me it was more of letting me know then a question, and that this is how it has to be. I shook my head in disbelief reading that text message and I became infuriated with him. We end up fighting again, and he puts his foot down saying he's going to go through with his plan. I end up stressing about it and feeling all the tension in me.

I talk to a guy who's been a friend of mine since last semester about this, and this guy that I speak of is older than Ethan, but more wiser. His name is Dan. I told Dan about my situation with Ethan, and he gave me some thorough, helpful advice. Dan tells me he knows guys like Ethan, and that he honestly told me that Ethan didn't emphasize meaning in his apology; Ethan isn't sorry. Ethan thinks that by saying sorry, everything will be okay and nothing will have ever happened; all will be fixed. Dan and I had a good laugh about this part because it's like this: can you imagine if all the people out there in the world who committed crimes such as rape and murder think they can make the situation better by only saying sorry? It's ridiculous. Then, Dan told me there are only two options for me: getting the money back and enduring through all the shit Ethan is saying and doing to me, or not getting the money back and forgetting about him. Obviously not getting the money back wasn't an option for me, so I knew what I had to do: get the money back, and if it means standing my ground and fighting back, then so be it.

After considering Dan's advice, I took it into consideration and knew what had to be done. On April 15th, Ethan decides to change where we are going to meet in the college to somewhere private. I refused to give him that chance, and I told him we are meeting where I want to meet. He was being sarcastic about it and telling me that I'm funny for calling all the shots and he insists on meeting me where he wants it or else he won't meet up with me at all, continuing on with telling me not to talk to him like that again. I told him that he's funny too for thinking he can turn everything around and pay me back whenever he feels like it when he CLEARLY promised me to pay the full amount he owes me on April 15th. I also let him know that if he keeps on insisting, I will ignore him and stop responding back to him. Ethan gets angry with me again and tells me "Fine, I'll meet you where you want it BUDDY. You haven't even showed me 1 receipt of proof of how much you spent on the things to make my costume." I got more upset and sent him pictures of all the receipts that indicates how much I spent to make his costume. I told him "Here's your proof. You think I'm lying to you? I'm not going to waste my time and go through all the trouble just so you can pay me back more than what you really owe me. I'm not stupid. After this is all said and done, I'm never talking to you again." Ethan shut his mouth and said "Good. See you later."

After my last class is over, I head over to the library in the college where we are supposed to meet, and there I saw Ethan. It was a long time since I saw him last semester, and seeing him again reminded me of what used to be the good times being friends with him. He hands me the envelope with half the amount he owes me and tells me he will pay me the remaining amount on the 24th. Ethan stuck his hand out for me to shake his hand as a "peace offering." I tell him "I forgive you for all the times you've been a complete jerk and jackass to me, but after the remaining amount you owe me is paid in full, stay the hell out of my life. I won't shake your hand." I walked out on him and went somewhere where he couldn't see me. I waited in that spot until I was sure he left completely.

Yesterday, he wasn't able to meet up with me to pay the full amount because he had to leave work early after discovering his sister got into an accident. When I got his message about that, a part of me really wanted to sympathize for him, but I just couldn't, not after everything he did and said to me. Ethan calls me while I'm out celebrating my mom's birthday, and he tells me he'll pay me back when he gets back. I get upset with him and told him that he can't just keep putting this off. Enraged again, Ethan tells me "Dude, I am not going to put up with your bullshit when my sister just got into a fucking accident." I got enraged too and told him "You're starting again Ethan, and I am done hearing your jackass mouth telling me how crappy I am. Just pay me the money back, no more excuses, and after this, I am done with you. Bye." I hung up the phone, and once again, I felt the anxiety and anger within me. I felt like getting a punching bag and beating it up with all my sheer strength and power until I knocked it down to the floor and wrecked it; this is how upset and infuriated I was with Ethan.

Then, Ethan texted me and offered to pay me the remaining amount through a website where you can send people money instantly, and both of us had an account on there. So, I went through with that, and he paid me the remaining amount he owed me. He lets me know "Money has been sent, lose my number, and don't ever try and contact me again." I tell him "I'm already planning on losing your number and never contacting you again anyways, so for you to tell me that is pointless. Thank you, and have a nice life." Once again, Ethan becomes the douchebag and tells me "Okay smartass. You have a life." It all ended there. Never again, I want to associate with him. Ethan will be leaving in October for the army, so I could care less about it; that's his choice.

Honestly, if there's anything I'd like to express about this to anyone it's this: if Ethan only abided to pay me the full amount by April 15th and didn't give me any excuses, I would've left the door open for him to rekindle our friendship. I wanted to give him another chance at redeeming himself and our friendship, but after everything he did, especially on the week of April 15th, he gave me a lot of reasons to never trust him again, and let him go. Ethan is very far away from ever being called a friend again. Anyways, that day he told me he was sorry, his attitude was already beyond bad with other friends of his.

This experience held a lot to be learned from. Two major things I learned: never let anyone borrow money from you, and never trust anyone easily until they've proven to you that they are worthy of your trust. I stood up for myself to a person who was all kinds of evil, and now that I have won, I believe anyone would be proud of how I handled the situation. I proved to myself that I am stronger than I think, both physically and mentally. Now I understand why there are people who can't fight back against people like Ethan. It takes a strong, wise individual with a lot of bravery to stand up to someone like him, and I am glad I am this kind of person. Though, I believe everyone is strong deep down inside, and I feel that people need to realize they have the power within them to handle any situation they encounter.

I'm glad this is all over, but it came at a price. Ethan's immature attitude and arrogance costed him our friendship, and if he really meant he was sorry, he wouldn't have done and said all that crap to me over text and the phone. To top it off, he's older than I am, and I would think that when you're older, you would know better. Oh well, he'll get his fair share like other people have said who know about this situation that happened, and like the cliche goes "What goes around comes around."

Whatever happens to Ethan maybe could be for the better...or for the worse...