Caught and Tangled Unexpectedly

As I sit here typing on my laptop in how I'm feeling this late night after coming home from another day at work, I feel a bit unsettled and saddened right now..no it's not something about my relationship thankfully, but more like someone who I really wanted to help. I don't know if she'll ever talk to me again, but I'll never forget how it all happened.

Last Saturday on December 13th, I was out on a crusade with a mission to spread smiles and happiness across the holiday city parade while wearing the mantle of the bat. It's been almost 5 years now since I've put on the cape and cowl, and I feel like it's part of me now, part of who I am. As I was out on patrol, I came across this girl who not only wanted to get a picture with me, but she was also interested in hanging out and getting to know me. Jackie is the name that I knew her by. We exchanged phone numbers and shortly after, we started texting one another.

Based on the few text conversations we've had, she didn't seem like much of a texter due to either short/one-word replies. Though, I felt like things were going rather well, and she told me that she wanted to hang out with me soon. Last Wednesday we were supposed to hang out with one another, but unfortunately, something came up that she was struggling to deal with. She told me on the phone that it was something going on with her current boyfriend that she lost her virginity with and ended up having a kid. She was telling me how violent he has been to her lately, and how he kept showing up unexpectedly at her place every night. She tells me how him and her have literally beaten the crap out of each other, just so she can be able to defend herself against him. She wanted to get a restraining order on him.

I knew this was serious, but the strange part: it sounded like she wasn't taking it seriously. Her friend did most of the talking for her since Jackie got her phone taken away from her parents, but she was very rude and obnoxious to me. At first I thought Jackie was probably too shaken up to talk to me about it, but I realized she was hardly ever talking on the phone. I was getting annoyed with her friend because of her foul use of language, and I got to the point where I had to tell Jackie to file a report to the police. She wouldn't do it because of the fact that she doesn't want any authorities involved. There wasn't anything else I could do for her, so I told her that the choice is all hers in how she wants to handle her situation. If she wasn't going to talk to me and work with me, I was going to hang up the phone because of the frustration I was feeling for going out of my way to make the time to let her call me. The conversation ended with me saying "When you're ready to talk, call or text me, but it's up to you if you want to."

After that phone call, I went down to my local police department and filed a report for possible domestic violence going on. I had to do it because I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if everything Jackie told me was true and something bad happened to her. I did not want that on my conscious. I told the deputy everything I knew about her and her situation. I'm not sure if they've looked into it more, but at least I know that I did the least thing I could do to help her.

It got me thinking though that since I knew who the boyfriend is (we went to the same high school together), he didn't seem like the kind of guy who would get violent and start acting like a creeper all of sudden, but then again, that could apply to anyone. I wondered that what if Jackie was making all this up to set her own boyfriend up just so that she can leave him and possibly the kid for good, and come to seek me for comfort so that I could be her next love interest? It seemed to make sense, especially with how eager she was to get to know me behind the mask.

At that point, I thought I would never hear from her again, but it turns out that was not the end of it. I got a text from her yesterday morning telling me that she got her phone back. I didn't talk much through texting, and she finally asked me if I was still mad at her. I was straightforward and honest with her about how I felt that day she called me. I wasn't mad at her to begin with, but I wanted to help her. I couldn't do that if she can't start by helping herself. I apologized that day we talked on the phone for appearing infuriated. She told me she was sorry about that, and I told her that it's going to take more than a simple sorry for me to believe you. Then, I asked about that situation she told me about if it was really true, or if it was all a hoax that she made up? Jackie told me that it was true, but she then told me whatever. I could hear the sarcastic, anger tone through those words. I had to tell her that if she wants to be mad at me instead of making things right in her life, that's fine. If she doesn't want my help, that's fine too. I honestly felt bad for her for what she was going through, and as much as I wanted to help her, there was only so much that I could do. I gave her the choice if she wanted me in her life or not. After that text message, Jackie did not reply back at all.

I knew I didn't want to get involved, especially since I wasn't comfortable with the fact that she lost her virginity already, she has a kid, and I could tell she wanted me to be more than just a friend to her. I don't know if she had feelings for me, but I could feel that she did.

Since she friended me on FaceBook, I saw her recent posts on her timeline after what happened with our last text conversation. There was one thing in her recent post that I felt like she directed it towards me (she didn't directly state that it was for me), but it said the following:

Silly Girl,
Stop staying up every night, hoping he'll text you
Stop checking your phone every minute,
expecting a message from him.
Stop wasting your tears, he's just a worthless boy,
He doesn't care & he never will
So keep your head up & pick your heart off the ground...

Honestly...I do not know how to feel about all this. In a way, I felt like she was reaching out for me, and she wanted to desperately escape her boyfriend that she's currently with, and it seems like the little kid as well.

Though, even if she did tell me she feels such attraction for me, I can't say the same for her. First of all, I haven't even known her that long. Second of all, my heart is already with someone else, and for me to break up with my girlfriend would be terrible.

It's hard for me to face these challenges almost every single day. For me to be the wise person well beyond my years, I've had to make the necessary choices, even if it means losing someone who wants to be mad at me and see me as an enemy. Some people will hate me, and I realize that not everyone is going to be able to see me for who I am. Some people get caught up in their own anger and frustration that they start making others wrong so that they can be right.

Well, despite all that has happened throughout these two weeks, I do hope that Jackie does find a way to resolve her situation, and find the peace and happiness that she seeks. As much as I have compassion for others, I've learned that for someone to truly be helped, they need to be able to help themselves and find their own way with working through conflicts in their own lives. We can only help guide them into making the best choices suitable for them.

Maybe Jackie will realize later on down the road the errors that she's made, or maybe she'll hold on to her own sadness and anger and hate me for the rest of her life. I don't know...

All I know is that I have done everything I could for her, and at this point, this is where everything comes to a stop.