Indirectly Rejected and Left Without a Word

Throughout my years in high school, I've had my fair share of girls that I crushed on like many other guys have. However, not even one of them had any real feelings for me. They either weren't that into me, or they already had a boyfriend. Believe it or not, there are times that even I felt so stupid for even falling for them in the first place. I've learned over the course of high school that we go through the bad experiences so that after all that, we can finally live and experience the great, happy ones because over the course of time, we learn how to be stronger and better handle things. This story is about another girl I had met this past year, all beginning where it usually starts: in a classroom, but circumstances were different this time around unlike with Anne.

This takes place after coming out of my 3-month depression from my experience with Anne. It was the week before taking our final exams for first semester. In Spanish class, our teacher had sorted the class all out into groups of four. When I saw the group that I was in, I realized it was only me and three other girls. Interesting, I thought, but not something I can't handle or be comfortable with. So, as we were working in our groups, just to make things less awkward, I strike up a casual conversation. It took some time for the girls to be comfortable talking, but after few minutes or so, we had become like a group of great friends. There was a girl that I sat right next to in the group that I had been eying for quite some time. Like always, won't give out actual names (you should know that by now), but let's just call this girl Marie (she's a year below my grade level). So, after class was over, I introduced myself to her. Marie smiled at me, shook my hand, and we had a small talk conversation on our way out to the classroom. After our conversation was over, we said bye to one another, but the way she looked at me almost seemed like she was already into me.

Next day, I mention during the conversation that I find her to be such a great girl to talk to, and I want to talk to her more. I asked for her phone number, and surprisingly enough, she gave it to me. Afterwards, I felt joyed and proud of myself. However, when I started texting her, it wasn't what I had hoped for... She took a really long time to respond, and sometimes some of the messages she texts me was meaningless. After a few more attempts, I lost interest in her. It doesn't stop there though. A few months later, as I was helping out at school, she happened to pass by me with a friend and she said hi to me. I said hi back, and afterwards I thought to myself "Could she be wanting to talk to me after all this time?"

After I was done helping out, as I was walking out, I happened to pass right by her, and I just approached and talked to her. Marie was happy to see me after such a long while, and we actually talked for about half an hour. I felt like we were actually connecting more than before. I told her about Anne since I mentioned somewhere during the conversation that this year had been hard for me and she asked me why. We had a talk about it, and at the time being, I felt like I could actually trust and rely on her as someone to talk to in times of being troubled. That's when my feelings for her began to spark again. Despite our (what I thought to be) meaningful conversation, she never really was the first one to approach and initiate a conversation with me.

Fast forward a bit. One day, I decide to leave her a voicemail since I wasn't at school due to having to leave early. I wanted to take this opportunity to let her know that I really do care about her. After a couple of days later, she texted me saying "sorry mark I barely heard your voicemail! thanks a lot". I was feeling great about myself the night I received that message from her. I thought at that point things were going to start changing between us. That was the case though, but not in the way I had hoped it would be...

I had found out that she had been telling her friends about me, and soon, it seemed the whole sophomore class knew that I liked her, but they had taken it the wrong way though. Even worse, there was another guy that had gotten jealous of me, and wanted to compete with me for her. I backed off, but every time I tried to say hi to Marie and at least talk to her for a bit, he would always butt in and try to push me away from her. Heck, on the day of a field trip, I was hoping that I would take that opportunity to hang out with Marie, but that day was the day that I never wanted to talk to her ever again... This guy had gotten Marie's attention, and even though I had many great qualities and talents, she paid more attention to him than me....

I felt really sad that day....and it drove me to frustration. I was mostly by myself the whole entire field trip since we went in our own groups, but it seemed like almost no one wanted to be around me... Even though I had learned all the right ways to approaching and talking to a girl and make the conversations more appealing, I felt that I hadn't done enough...

I keep wishing and having faith (and still do to this day) that I'll meet a girl that will be beyond words for me to describe, but I find it hard to keep believing in that. On the outside, most people would think that I'm great, but on the inside, I'm living out an empty life and crying out for someone to turn to.

Here I was again, continuing on this lonely path of mine with no one to be there and comfort me....