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Sorry I'm such an inadequate excuse of a human
Posted November 8th 2013 at 02:33 PM by Anatidaephobia
I wish that in my absence I improved somewhat so I could post something good and maybe inspiring but instead I continue to radiate misery like the poisonous and toxic mess that I am. I just drag everyone down and I want to apologies to every single one of you that I have disappointed with my diabolical friendship skills. So i'd like to apologise for being a lousy friend and just generally an awful person.
I'm trying to hard just to stay a float right now but I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind. I have deadlines for uni (It's amazing I haven't dropped out yet) and I can't even think straight. I'm terrified about this appointment on Monday. I feel like the biggest fraud in the world because I'm fat. I can't have an eating disorder and urgh I hate myself. I hate this war in my head. I just feel so alone and I've managed to fuck up every relationship in my life. Everything seems so pointless. It's like I'll make one baby step just to fall back down even further. I don't want to be like this forever but I don't see things ever improving.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to hard just to stay a float right now but I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind. I have deadlines for uni (It's amazing I haven't dropped out yet) and I can't even think straight. I'm terrified about this appointment on Monday. I feel like the biggest fraud in the world because I'm fat. I can't have an eating disorder and urgh I hate myself. I hate this war in my head. I just feel so alone and I've managed to fuck up every relationship in my life. Everything seems so pointless. It's like I'll make one baby step just to fall back down even further. I don't want to be like this forever but I don't see things ever improving.
I'm sorry.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Hey sweets,
Take back all them words you just said about yourself because believe me you are not a lousy friend and nor do you have diabolical friendship skills! Remember what i said to you the other day when you texted me. Keep that in mind honey. Honestly you've done alot more for me these past few weeks just by texting me a lovely message every so often, even when i didnt reply half the time, and that is loads more than the people who have a responsibility to care for me do. ~You are not fat honey, i know i can say that as much as i like and you wont think different unless you want to think differently. I had a session today with a supporter at uni and he said a few things which really hit home. Eating is all about control, your control and will power, which no-one can take away from you. But you can let it go, if you want to. I know it seems impossible but you can. Take small steps, the first and most important being belief. Believe in yourself and have faith that you will get through. If you dont look after yourself no-one else will. And eating disorders are not always determined by size, its your habits and difficulties that you have with eating that make it a disorder. Just stay tight n wait for your appointment to see your psych but in the meantime just look after yourself and be strong.
You can do this. And please dont think you'll be triggering me sweets, text me ANYTIME you need to, whether its 3 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon, im always here.. I may not reply straight away but i will try my best.
Now chin up, and smile. You're stronger than this
Love you lots
xxxxxxPosted November 8th 2013 at 03:07 PM by x_sepi_x
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Hey there. Firstly, I have to say...I've done the same thing with friendships. I disappeared for several months, and now I'm back. And not even close to ready to give advice. I can certainly listen, but I'm also pretty flaky.
So please don't beat yourself up over it. It's totally fine. I'm in a similar situation right now. Please don't think you're a terrible person or friend because you are going through stuff! See, despite us not talking for a couple months, I messaged you and you messaged back. Hence, there is still friendship there.
And I absolutely love Sabah's words there. "eating disorders are not always determined by size, its your habits and difficulties that you have with eating that make it a disorder". This is so absolutely true. (Not to say I am agreeing you are fat, dear)
Anyway, I'm just a message away. Take care GORGEOUS - maybe you don't think you are, but I do.Posted November 8th 2013 at 03:20 PM by escape_thereal_world
